City of Beggars

What is it with the city of Seattle that draws lunacy out of a hefty percentage of its inhabitants? I have lived in Seattle for 4 1/2 years now and since day one I have been overwhelmed, annoyed, and shocked by the "crazies" that litter our streets. It just doesn't make sense to me sometimes.

I am a walker. I walk to work about a mile every day. It takes about 20 minutes to get to work if I walk fast and break the law by walking through red lights or jay walk at certain points. That means, I am guaranteed at least 40 minutes of street time if I walk to work and stay, and its at least 80 minutes if I come home in the middle of the day for lunch. So, either way...I spend a lot of time walking these streets. Its a nice way to get exercise and its a nice way to wind up for work or unwind from work. The shitty part is that, I have to encounter homeless, drugged out, and/or crazy people throughout my entire day.

I can say with almost no exaggeration that I get asked for change an average of 5 times a day. This is pretty impressive considering that the area behind my apartment has relatively cleaned up over the past year and a half since construction began on the new condominiums (fortunately and unfortunately the project has gone on longer than planned thanks to the economy). Its pretty interesting actually, Rayban, who is 71, and I have had a conversation about young people and their need to block out the world as they move in and out of their days via the Ipod. He seemed disturbed by this, but...considering the world that I have to walk through everyday...doesnt it seem like a blessing? The only thing that protects me from having to talk to these beggars is my music playing. Well, thats kind of a lie, because I dont talk to people that ask for change. In fact, I dont even acknowledge these people. It is uncommon for me to actually fall for a beggar's first line. I dont typically need a line...I just need to see you trying to make eye contact with me.

So, the point of this is that Im frustrated. I dont understand why this city is so full of such aggressive, fucked up people. Its unavoidable and its a nuisance. I think that all of these beggars should be picked off the street and should be shipped somewhere warm that doesnt have any people around for maybe 100 miles in all directions...think the Sahara :)

Anyway, Ive got my frustrations out, so now I will entertain with stories of people and attempts that I have gotten from people.

Starting with my favoritest homeless person and beggar:

The walker - This guy is always sped WAY up and really fucked up. He walks around neighborhoods with a cup in one hand. And he walks as fast as he can, wherever he can go. He asks people for change, but doesnt stop walking...so by the time you get a response out (if you want to give a response) he is way too far away for you to even do anything. My former neighbor JenJew and I keep tabs on this guy via text message...everytime we see him, we text each other. Weve seen each other so many times, I think he even recognizes me at this point because he doesnt ask me for change anymore.

Shoeless - (if you couldnt tell, I name these people if I see them enough) This woman has asked me for change WAY too often. She is older and has shoulder length hair. Sometimes I see her with shoes...and more often than not, she doesnt have any shoes. Ive concocted a story in my head that she gets shoes...then she gets really fucked up and in her high state, always takes off her shoes. So, she walks around Seattle shoeless...often. Long story short, I even watched her pee her pants on a bus once....and didnt say anything when I guy sat down in the same seat (whoops...I almost did, but it was too late for me to get him to stop).

The Ghost - I actually havent seen the ghost in a while. But, she is an extremely old lady. Think like 75. She is always really together, very well kept, and clean. She approaches you and surprises you when she asks for money. The reason though why she is "The Ghost" is because she only walks the streets at night and she is so old, pale, and her hair is so white, that she looks like a ghost wandering the streets.

Wheelchair Lady - Wheelchair lady and I did not get along. I saw her around a lot. She was a middle aged woman who was missing one leg. She would not use her hands to get around, but she would use her one leg to push her along, skateboard style....but on her ass. So, one day, I was walking to work behind my apartment. She was sliding by me and asked me for a light. I ignored her and she got pissed off. She started chasing me in her wheelchair. I had to run up the hill behind my apartment so that she couldnt catch me. So, when I returned home from work that day, I found that wheelchair lady had somehow gotten a mattress in one of the pay parking spots behind our apt. complex. I almost called the cops after a day had passed just because I was mad at this lady for chasing me. Finally, after 4 days her mattress was taken away and I havent seen her much since. Oh...and DJ tried to give her a dollar once after that...and right as it almost touched her hand...I shouted "DONT GIVE HER THAT!!!!" and grabbed the dollar out of his hand as it touched hers. I hate that bitch!

- "The One" - DJ actually hates my name for this person, but I chose it and now its stuck. This name is actually short for "The One and Only Fucked Up Asian Person." Yeah, yeah, I know, Im sorry if I offend anybody. But, I have never seen an Asian person all fucked up on the street until she appeared. I watched her descent into hell. She started off normal, but then slowly started to act more cracked out and hang out around here more often. Eventually, she started walking all crazy...from her I coined my signature "Crack Walk." Finally, one day I saw her get arrested, and I didnt see her again for about a year. Then, one day, DJ and I were walking through Pike Place Market and I saw her walking with this guy towards my apartment. I knew where she was going. I actually started saying out loud "NO...NO...Turn around!" But, I didnt have the balls to actually go up to her face and say it. Unfortunately, she started to go back to her old ways.

- The newest regulars I have seen are G.I. couture - Hes a young gay guy that mutters to himself, sometimes singing opera. he walks the streets at a fast pace and is always wearing army fatigues under sweat-shorts and a hoodie. I feel bad because I think Im actually seeing him slowly lose his bearings. He always looks clean, but his clothes arent. the other newbie on the streets Im still determining a name for him. Im pretty sure his new name is going to be "Rasta-dore." He looks like a homeless, Rastafarian version of Dumbledore. He always dons many blankets around his shoulder and multiple cloth bags. His featured area is Queen Anne, but Ive also seen him in belltown and Capitol Hill.

Lastly, this is just a smattering of some of my favorite attempts at begging for change, that I ignored, but have heard as I walked away, or as a friend I was with decided to respond to these city irritants:
- Walking out of a store a woman asked for some change, I said no, she responded "Buy me a bag of chips?"
- A guy asked a friend of mine to spare a dollar, he said no... the guy said "do you have an atm card? Come on, Ill show you where the closest ATM is!"
- A supposed "family"(that all looked drugged out) came up to me at Fisher Pavilion and told me there house had just burnt down
- A guy offered me a hit of crack for some change
- Most recently, a guy on the hill behind my apartment jumped out of the shadows and said "Let me lick your butt!" I, of course, walked away as fast as possible. I stopped at the bus stop and began to text DJ about the odd happening when i felt a weird energy. I looked up and the guy was standing next to me and smiled, while shaking his head up and down. I told him to fuck off and he got scared and ran away.

So, with that...I think my evidence is clear that Seattle SUCKS when it comes to beggars! Unfortunately, the amusing experiences are incredibly outnumbered by the boring, everyday experiences that I have to suffer through