Today really wasnt that horrible of a day, but for some reason I left work at 7 pm and promptly felt like my day sucked ass, to put it best. So, instead of trying to convince myself that it really wasnt that bad and that I was just more sensitive than usual, I've decided to write about it, whilst sipping on a glass of Riesling.
Today started at as most normal performance week days. I woke up at 945 and got ready for work. I felt that today was going to be a normal day...I was slightly tired, slightly sore, my lower back was bothering me(this isnt totally normal, but something that Im also kind of used to), and I was rushing to get out of the door on time...even though I dont have an actual time that I am supposed to leave. I just tell myself that I need to leave earlier than I am leaving every day.
I set off on my normal 20 minute walk to work and enjoyed listening to LA's Kiss FM on my IPhone's I Heart Radio application. I made it to work fine, even though I scolded myself for not arriving earlier. Oh well...normal stuff.
Finally, the true start to my day. The moment where I feel that I truly wake up every day. Company class. Peter, our boss, taught, and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for taking class with back pain. I have to take class differently when my back hurts because it can be so sensitive. I hate it when my back is sore because I feel like half the dancer that I actually am. I cant lift my legs as high as they go, I cant stay square, my turns suffer, and a lot more. Peter's class is often extremely fast. Not as in the combinations pass quickly, as in he makes us do our typical combinations at lightening fast speeds. This really hurts my back if it is already sore, so I often have to change the combinations at barre to avoid going completely out (in other words, being put on the injured list). So, class is going fine...Im dealing well. And we get to center. Peter decides to give us a lecture at the beginning of our center exercises. He tells us how it is pertinent that we do every combination that he gives us, as he gives it, in order to have the longest career as possible. He used himself as an example of career longevity and essentially shut everybody off for the rest of class. I was pretty upset by his comment. I think that everybodys body is quite different. His is suited well for ballet and can handle whatever harsh demands he asked of it. I on the other hand, have a very sensitive back. If I do too much or force something, I will shorten my career. He said that he knows best and that our "young" bodies can handle it, but I feel that this isnt true. Also, we had discussed recently how many of our classes have, well, sucked lately. And I feel that the point was completely missed. This was a bad tone to set my day.
After class, we had our second day of stage rehearsals, in preparation for the opening of our AWESOME Broadway program on Thursday (I do actually think this is a GREAT program...come see it). We started with Slaughter on Tenth Avenue. This rehearsal was rather normal. Following that was Carousel. I felt like there was tension in the air during this rehearsal. It may be that my focus was slightly disturbed because I had to, yet again let the artistic staff know that my back was hurting. I dont want to be judged and Im tired of telling them that my back hurts. I used to be the guy that was always sick. Now, Im not that...Im the guy that always has a sore back and cant do all of the lifts in rehearsal. I figured out a big part of why I am having back problems. This is no offense to any of my dearest colleagues, but I am often partnered with girls that are TOO big for me. By big, I mean, tall. Pacific Northwest Ballet is known as a company of tall dancers. The oddity of it all is that we really only have a few tall principal men, a lot of taller female dancers, and a surplus of average sized men. Since I am one of the taller men that are not tall and I am a strong partner (say what you want), I often get partnered with the tallest girls in the pieces. I think because I am dancing with girls that are not the right size for me, I end up overusing my back to execute the partnering steps. So far this season, my back has only bothered me during the programs where I am dancing with taller girls. For instance, I danced with the tallest girl in the corps during the Twyla rep, I danced with one of the tallest principal female in the world in the New Works rep, and now, in Carousel, I am dancing with somebody who is too big for me. Its frustrating because I have honestly enjoyed dancing with everybody that Ive been dancing with, but I feel like Im being looked down upon for my back problems when in any other company, nobody my size would be partnered with people of the heights that Im being partnered with.
Ok, now that I got that frustration out of the way, I can move on. So, after Carousel, we had lunch. We have many people coming in to assist us in putting on the ballets that we are performing in this program. During lunch, one decided to start hunting everyone and anybody down that she could give notes to. Being our companies union rep, I am supposed to prevent these situations from happening. Wait...let me rephrase. It is the managements job to make sure this doesnt happen and it is my job to make sure that the management is enforcing this. So, since there was no management around, I was forced to step in and stop notes from being given. I dont like this aspect of my job because it can put uncomfortable stresses upon me. Either I dont say anything and ignore my job, or I say something and have the possibility that this person is angered by me and writes me off for any potential future meetings (the ballet world is small). Lunch ends and rehearsal begins for Take 5.
Now, this is where things go horribly downhill. I have been eagerly rehearsing for this Susan Stroman ballet. I was in the rehearsals when this piece was created, told I wouldnt perform it because there wasnt time and that I would have the opportunity to perform it when it came back this year. Well, from the start this season, I was told that I was not going to perform it. With all of this said, I have been rehearsing like I am performing it, and have even performed the piece in open rehearsal. Now that it is performance week, it is typical to ignore anybody but performing casts. For some odd reason, we are rehearsing this piece. I think it is good and bad. Its good to get the rehearsal time to improve, but at the same time...I feel like utter shit that Im not being allowed to perform some featured parts, while others who have spent much less time get opportunities, seemingly by default. First, when can I be the default boy (it always seems when I am, that things are changed), and second, why cant management go out of their way to put me in, when they seem to do so for others? Anyway, so I rehearsed, not doing a lot of lifts because of my back. Then, I dont feel like Im performing well, with a couple of mistakes. This is followed by a moment where one of the dancers is moved across 6 dancers while they lay on the floor, conveyor belt style. We have done this no problem before...but when it happens today, as she is being moved towards me, her body pitches backwards and I try to save it, but my elbow gives out...slams into the floor, and we drop the girl being conveyored (not a word) across. I was really upset because there was nothing I could do about it and Im sure it scared the dancer. After all of this mayhem, I wasnt appeased with myself, I wasnt appeased with how I looked, and I was annoyed that the 2 or 3 of us that werent performing the piece were ignored when it came to notes.
Finally, we had rehearsal for West Side Story Suite. This was ok, but tensions get really high in this piece because there are soooo many people involved. I didnt mind that though. When we got to our last 5 minutes break of the day. Another person who is in town to help set the ballet walked up to me and said, "I know management is going to kill me, but I have to give you a note on your 5 minute break." I responded "actually, that is against rules and you will have to wait until we are back from the 5." I just dont fucking understand! The two people that did this today have been around AGMA companies for ages. WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES! Im tired of people trying to bend the rules, break the rules, slide around the rules. I know its my job and I get paid to do it...and I really enjoy helping my fellow dancers, but sometimes I get so sick and tired of plain defiance of our rules. If this is what its like in the small ballet world, Im afraid what it is like in politics. Anyway, that was the straw that broke the camels back and I was pretty much done from there.
After my day finished, I was lucky enough to have good friends to walk home with to take my mind off of the day and a great BF to come home to. Im sure that tomorrow will be a better day and that Im just having my man-period or something. Im dont icing my back now and halfway done my glass of wine. It's 11 pm and Frasier is sounding good. So...Im out!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
My internet patterns
I dont know if Im the only one that does this, but I have started to notice that I have a strict pattern for my time on the internet. Every morning, I wake up and check the same websites, with little variation. It is always, wake up, bathroom, yahoo email, hotmail email, ballettalk (yeah, yeah, yeah...Im a fucking bunhead), and facebook. I dont know why, but I feel like I am checking the mail and reading the newspaper. It is almost like I have replaced the typical morning coffee and newspaper with a more electronic version of the same (though I am usually drinking gatorade because I am so dehydrated from work the night before).
My post-work pattern of internetting is similar to my morning pattern, but it differs because I have more time after work, than I do before work. I get up with no more than 30 minutes to wake up, eat breakfast, get ready, and get to work. When I return from work, I need to unwind. So, I check my yahoo email(again), hotmail, aol email, ballettalk, critical dance (still bunheady), myspace (even though Ive given up on myspace), facebook, and Evite (if I have a current evite, which is more often than not). So, I check these, but if I have any more time, I find myself bored and unable to think of anything else to check on the web.
I used to have a large array of websites that I checked, but then I got a dramatic relationship, followed by a period of dating and partying, followed by a stable live-in relationship. These things seem to have taken over a lot of my time, which isnt a bad thing. Maybe, I matured a bit and got over a lot of the things I used to look at. I dont know. But, when Im bored sitting at home. I dont have any websites to check. Does anybody have any suggestions?
I even have trouble remembering what I used to do online. I find that if I need to waste time Youtube is good. I used to really be into this online game called Alien Adoption Agency. I still check that game here and there, but its more or less just to keep in touch with a few virtual friends (I know, I know...ridiculously dorky and nerdy). I used to go on all of these websites that were either shockwave movies or comedic videos, but I cant even remember what the sites were. One was Happy Tree Friends, but then they changed their format and it became lame. After that, I checked out another site with 30 second summaries of movies performed by bunnies. That was amusing, too, but they werent able to churn them out fast enough to keep my interest. Albino Black Sheep was also a favorite of mine for a long time. This was probably one of the first websites that started the viral video craze. I had a huge array of websites like this that I cant even remember anymore. The thing is that I dont even feel motivated to check out these websites anymore. I think it may be a maturity thing.
So, here's the dilemma. After I am done with my internet pattern and I have time to kill. What are some interesting websites to read/enjoy? I like games that are fun, like Jay is games. I think I need to expand my interests though...maybe like reading a blog of someone that I find interesting. Suggestions, Suggestions. Im curious what other people find interesting. Help me out.
My post-work pattern of internetting is similar to my morning pattern, but it differs because I have more time after work, than I do before work. I get up with no more than 30 minutes to wake up, eat breakfast, get ready, and get to work. When I return from work, I need to unwind. So, I check my yahoo email(again), hotmail, aol email, ballettalk, critical dance (still bunheady), myspace (even though Ive given up on myspace), facebook, and Evite (if I have a current evite, which is more often than not). So, I check these, but if I have any more time, I find myself bored and unable to think of anything else to check on the web.
I used to have a large array of websites that I checked, but then I got a dramatic relationship, followed by a period of dating and partying, followed by a stable live-in relationship. These things seem to have taken over a lot of my time, which isnt a bad thing. Maybe, I matured a bit and got over a lot of the things I used to look at. I dont know. But, when Im bored sitting at home. I dont have any websites to check. Does anybody have any suggestions?
I even have trouble remembering what I used to do online. I find that if I need to waste time Youtube is good. I used to really be into this online game called Alien Adoption Agency. I still check that game here and there, but its more or less just to keep in touch with a few virtual friends (I know, I know...ridiculously dorky and nerdy). I used to go on all of these websites that were either shockwave movies or comedic videos, but I cant even remember what the sites were. One was Happy Tree Friends, but then they changed their format and it became lame. After that, I checked out another site with 30 second summaries of movies performed by bunnies. That was amusing, too, but they werent able to churn them out fast enough to keep my interest. Albino Black Sheep was also a favorite of mine for a long time. This was probably one of the first websites that started the viral video craze. I had a huge array of websites like this that I cant even remember anymore. The thing is that I dont even feel motivated to check out these websites anymore. I think it may be a maturity thing.
So, here's the dilemma. After I am done with my internet pattern and I have time to kill. What are some interesting websites to read/enjoy? I like games that are fun, like Jay is games. I think I need to expand my interests though...maybe like reading a blog of someone that I find interesting. Suggestions, Suggestions. Im curious what other people find interesting. Help me out.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The problem with wanting to be the best...
I feel that Im slowly confronting a realization that I dont really want to come close to. Throughout my life, I have always been an overachiever. I want to be the best at everything I do (well almost everything). And as the years go on, I have come to realize that I am not always going to be the best. Chances are that I wont be the worst, but Im also not necessarily going to be at the top. The problem with this realization is that it causes to many other issues to come up.
So, I want to be the best dancer. That clearly isnt going to happen. Nobody is really the best dancer. So, since I realized that, I decided that I wanted to be the best dancer in a large company in the US. So, I got a job with one of the best companies in the country, PNB, and that didnt work out exactly like I wanted it to. I spent my first 2 years pretty ill. There was a change in directorship and I didnt find my way until recently. I havent really moved up a whole lot, but Ive moved up respectwise, which is nice. Its just that I havent fulfilled what I would like to do with my career. So, what happens I audition for other companies, but of course, we are hit by recessions and bad timing and unsure feelings about leaving the stability of a company like PNB. So, for now, I know I cant be the best dancer where I am. Im inhibited by my facility, as well as a modest amount of roles that would let me grow into the dancer that I envisioned myself to be. So, with these problems...what is a boy to do?
With all of this said, I want to be the best at other aspects of my life. I have just started choreographing. I want to be the best choreographer. Yeah, Im relatively new, but I think that this may be a path that I can go down. I was just watching some videos on Youtube and was interested by what I saw. Although, I feel that I have a long way to go, I felt inspired. I think what I am having right now is a problem recognizing what Im trying to get across. I felt inspired, but at the same time, I felt pigeon-holed and scared. Where am I going? That is the question that has crossed my mind. So, what does this mean?
Im pretty sure what emotion I am really trying to get across in this scattered blog is that....Im scared. I havent fulfilled my dreams with ballet. Yeah, Im 25, but how much more time do I have in me? Will I be fulfilled making an awesome living, dancing in the corps...maybe even doing shit like "Court Populace" in Swan Lake with a lot of newer dancers that are younger than me? I can be the experienced one. Is that exciting enough and rewarding enough for me? Can I move on to another company and dance great roles and get great recognition? Or, will the economy hold me back...and by the time that the economy gets better and I feel stable enough financially to go somewhere else, will I be too old? What about choreography? Am I good enough to choreograph outside of dolly dinkle schools and workshops. Will I get to work with amazing dancers in amazing places with amazing companies? Could I be an artistic director for a company? How about a ballet master (even though I suck at retention and counting)? Will any of these lifestyles let me travel the world like I want to? Have I given up on myself and am I settling for something even though its not what I really want? When I retire, should I go to college and go into a completely different field(even though I dont want to) or should I keep doing dance related things? Will I get to travel the world? Can I afford to? What if I want to become a modern dancer? Would my life be as interesting as it is if I wasnt a dancer? Will people appreciate me when Im unable to dance anymore? I know I cant dance forever, but how long can I dance? Am I making a difference?
Well, I could go on asking a million questions. But, the list would probably never end. Im fearful. Thats what I am. And I think the thing that Im most fearful about is that when I look back on my life, will I feel unfulfilled with what Ive done...because life sure hasnt taken the paths that I dreamed up in my head. Maybe, Im lucky to have fulfilled so many dreams that I had, but Im feeling selfish right now. I want to fulfill each and every dream I have. Now, only...how to make that happen when it is not within my own power...
So, I want to be the best dancer. That clearly isnt going to happen. Nobody is really the best dancer. So, since I realized that, I decided that I wanted to be the best dancer in a large company in the US. So, I got a job with one of the best companies in the country, PNB, and that didnt work out exactly like I wanted it to. I spent my first 2 years pretty ill. There was a change in directorship and I didnt find my way until recently. I havent really moved up a whole lot, but Ive moved up respectwise, which is nice. Its just that I havent fulfilled what I would like to do with my career. So, what happens I audition for other companies, but of course, we are hit by recessions and bad timing and unsure feelings about leaving the stability of a company like PNB. So, for now, I know I cant be the best dancer where I am. Im inhibited by my facility, as well as a modest amount of roles that would let me grow into the dancer that I envisioned myself to be. So, with these problems...what is a boy to do?
With all of this said, I want to be the best at other aspects of my life. I have just started choreographing. I want to be the best choreographer. Yeah, Im relatively new, but I think that this may be a path that I can go down. I was just watching some videos on Youtube and was interested by what I saw. Although, I feel that I have a long way to go, I felt inspired. I think what I am having right now is a problem recognizing what Im trying to get across. I felt inspired, but at the same time, I felt pigeon-holed and scared. Where am I going? That is the question that has crossed my mind. So, what does this mean?
Im pretty sure what emotion I am really trying to get across in this scattered blog is that....Im scared. I havent fulfilled my dreams with ballet. Yeah, Im 25, but how much more time do I have in me? Will I be fulfilled making an awesome living, dancing in the corps...maybe even doing shit like "Court Populace" in Swan Lake with a lot of newer dancers that are younger than me? I can be the experienced one. Is that exciting enough and rewarding enough for me? Can I move on to another company and dance great roles and get great recognition? Or, will the economy hold me back...and by the time that the economy gets better and I feel stable enough financially to go somewhere else, will I be too old? What about choreography? Am I good enough to choreograph outside of dolly dinkle schools and workshops. Will I get to work with amazing dancers in amazing places with amazing companies? Could I be an artistic director for a company? How about a ballet master (even though I suck at retention and counting)? Will any of these lifestyles let me travel the world like I want to? Have I given up on myself and am I settling for something even though its not what I really want? When I retire, should I go to college and go into a completely different field(even though I dont want to) or should I keep doing dance related things? Will I get to travel the world? Can I afford to? What if I want to become a modern dancer? Would my life be as interesting as it is if I wasnt a dancer? Will people appreciate me when Im unable to dance anymore? I know I cant dance forever, but how long can I dance? Am I making a difference?
Well, I could go on asking a million questions. But, the list would probably never end. Im fearful. Thats what I am. And I think the thing that Im most fearful about is that when I look back on my life, will I feel unfulfilled with what Ive done...because life sure hasnt taken the paths that I dreamed up in my head. Maybe, Im lucky to have fulfilled so many dreams that I had, but Im feeling selfish right now. I want to fulfill each and every dream I have. Now, only...how to make that happen when it is not within my own power...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
God Damn 25 Random Things
So, I dont know why, but for some odd reason, I keep getting requests from people for my 25 random things about me. So, I swore that I wouldnt do this because I dont want to put the pressure upon 25 people to read this and return the favor. In order to prevent that, I have decided to put this on here, so that people can read it at their own leisure and just enjoy it. Fuck chain letters (or chain facebook notes). Here we go!
1. I have written 445 blog posts on Myspace.com and received more than 25,000 hits over a two year period of time. Although I have just begun this blog, Im not sure if it will receive as much attention.
2. Up until I was 11, I had 180 degree flexibility. I have a picture of myself in a Karate tournament doing a side kick at 180 degrees. I stopped stretching during puberty and retained absolutely none of that flexibility. SAD!
3. I danced in Philadelphia's, Boscov's, 4th of July Parade two times. This parade was televised in most of the Northeast US on ABC. The first parade, I danced a tap number to "Boogie, Woogie, Bugle Boy." Our teacher didn't want to rechoreograph an old piece, so she made me dance the "girlie" steps and made me wear so much blush and lipstick because she wanted me to look more like a girl, than a boy.
4. When I was in 3rd grade, I was hospitalized 16 times. One time for an infection (in my nether regions) and 15 times for asthma. I missed 36 days of school that year. I have no idea how I ever passed 3rd grade.
5. When I danced with Houston Ballet, I was cast as the "Indian Man" in Stanton Welch's world premiere of "Tales of Texas." Because I am SOOOO ridiculously white, I was actually paid to go to a tanning salon. When that didnt work, I was paid to buy makeup that was specifically catered to Black people. Every show, I spent 45 minutes getting my neck, chest, face, and arms pancaked. When I walked onstage, I was not recognizable to most of my friends.
6. I took Tae Kwon Do for 8 years. Before I quit, I was about to test for my 2nd degree black belt. During my time in Tae Kwon Do, I traveled the competition circuit, went to the junior national olympics and placed 15th out of 60 in the black belt form category, hung out with world champions and famous Korean masters, moved through 3 do jangs (places of study), and got involved in so much politics that it would disgust you. Most of this took place before I was 11.
7. I am named after my mother's brother, who passed away at the young age of 5 of a rare form of Leukemia. I am the only of my siblings without a Jewish name. If I was a girl, my name would have been Rebecca. If I wanted to get closer to my Jewish roots, I could change Barry to it's Hebrew root, Baruch, but that would be too much like copy-catting Barack Obama, formerly known as Barry Obama(from birth to college).
8. I had a minorly obsessive compulsive streak for 3 months in 9th grade. Every morning, I awoke singing the "Oscar Meyer Weiner Song." I have no idea why, but I would sing it out loud all the time. And when I was in classes at school, I would sing it inside my head. One day it finally stopped.
9. I have played the piano since I was 5, I stopped lessons when I was 16. I can still play a few songs well, but have lost a lot of my touch. When I was in 6th grade I took up the xylophone (and anything else mallet percussion related) and joined our school's steel drum band. Towards the end of 6th grade, I picked up the flute and taught myself. I would talk to my friend who had been playing for 3 years on the phone and play for her and ask for advice. I am still extremely proficient at the flute. In 7th grade, I started playing the clarinet. In 8th grade, my band teacher asked me to learn the alto saxophone, which I promptly did in one day. Finally, when I got into high school, I wanted to play flute in concert band. I was promptly told no and given 2nd chair alto saxophone out of 16 players from 9th to 12th grade. I was still so bored that I would sight transcribe flute music while playing the alto sax. I still love music to this day and miss playing in a group and hearing the harmonies that are created.
10. Im aware that I can talk up a storm. When I was really young...think 6 years old... my mom would tell me that if I would shut my mouth for 30 minutes, she would pay me $5. I would promptly run to the microwave, set the timer, sit quietly until the time was up, collect my earnings, and continue where I left off.
11. Ive only gotten one C on my report card in my life. It was 8th grade and I was through with wrestling in gym class. We had done it every year and I hated the pain and awkwardness (is that a word) of the unit. So, everytime gym came around, I would ask my band teacher for a private lesson pass. I would then make my way to the band room and go into the old files of music (that were special access to only our band director) and find something exciting and challenging. I think I went to gym 6 of 15 classes. I dont know how I didnt fail.
12. I absolutely despise "Law and Order" of any kind. Just hearing the theme music is enough to send me in a rage. Somehow, all of those close to me have a supreme hard-on for this show. My mom even has the theme as her ring tone.
13. One of my first professional ballets was Sleeping Beauty with Houston Ballet. I was 2nd cast for a monster in the first act. I hadnt really rehearsed it because I wasnt going to perform it. On dress rehearsal, my first cast got sick, so I had to go in. It was my job to get the spindle that I was told would be sitting on the prop table on stage right. I had a huge head on that blocked a lot of my vision. When I bolted offstage to get the spindle, I didnt see someone standing in the wings and knocked them off their feet looking for the spindle, that they were apparently holding. That person I knocked off of their feet was my new boss, Stanton Welch. I dont think he liked that very much :-/
14. My first "adult" experience was on the last night of a summer program. I dont know why, but the staff decided to let us do WHATEVER we wanted that night. So, we took a walk around the beautiful college campus, sat on a bench to chat, and promptly got it on out in the open. A couple people walked by and we fumbled around to make it look like we were just sitting talking. Looking back, it is pretty amusing.
15. When I was at the School of American Ballet, I cant even count the number of times that I asked my former teacher and current boss, Peter Boal, how to straighten my knees. I can remember asking how to gain hyperextension at least 10 to 15 times. I dont think he remembers this today.
16. I used to rollerskate competitively. On Tuesdays, my mom would pick me up from school and drive me to practice for 3 hours and on Saturdays we would wake up at 4 am to drive an hour to practice for about 4 hours. My dream was to be a famous ice skater. My grandmom told me if I quit dance, Tae Kwon Do, piano, and rollerskating, she would pay for me to get ice skating lessons. I quit in 8th grade after dance took more of my time. Oh, and I broke my arm doing a single axle between 5th and 6th grade.
17. I have a knack for extreme curiousity and weird questions. My 2nd grade teacher was awesome when I asked her things like "Why is Budweiser named Budweiser" and "Is it true that women in France dont shave their armpits?" in front of the entire class.
18. I starred in an educational dance video by Bob Rizzo, named "Ballet with Style." I dance a "boys" variation to badly computerized western style music, sport a cowboy hat, handkerchief, and jeans...all while dancing some really bad choreography. If you ever want a really good laugh and feel like wasting $30 or $40...check it out.
19. I was the "baby" of the family until I was 11 years old. I used to tell my mom how much I loved her and that if she ever had another kid, I wouldnt love her anymore. When she found out she was pregnant with my little bro, she sat me down and asked me if it was ok with me, if I wanted her to have the baby, and if I would still love her. I promptly said, I dont really care and I had already figured it out. To this day, I still wonder what would have happened if I said no...
20. From 2nd grade to 8th grade, I didnt watch anything but the weather channel. My obsession with weather began when Hurricane Andrew struck southern Florida. I wanted so badly to be a meteorologist that I spend countless hours studying this channel. I still put it on when I need ambient noise or time to relax.
21. When I went to the Kirov and School of American Ballet, I used to write down all of my corrections after class. I would write them in notebooks, on tear off pads and hang them around my room, or post-its. I forgot how absolutely crazy I was until I went home this past week. I brought all of the notes I have left home with me to re-read. It may take me weeks to get through all of them.
22. When I was growing up, my best friend was Korean. We would sit in his basement every Saturday and Sunday playing video games for at least 10 hours. I became a video game nerd. This is also where I learned to try any type of food. Being directly from South Korea, his mom would cook us things like anchovies, cuttlefish, and squid. Once, I watched her fry a whole squid and plop it on our plate. I enjoyed it thoroughly, as well as learned that squid has a beak.
23. I have a moderately severe fear of mustard. Yes...all types. I dont like to even see a bottle of mustard. If it touches me, I panic. If it touches my tongue, I know instantly, and cry, hyperventilate, panic, heave, and speak non-sensically.
24. When my mom took her first trip without the family, my step dad and neighbors (directors of the do jang we attended) took care of my sister and me. I was going to the do jang when I lost my belt. When we were looking for my belt in our neighbors car, my friend didnt realize what he was picking up. When he pulled it up as fast as he could, he hit me smack in the mouth with a crow bar. I had a fat lip for a week. I promptly requested for my mom never to leave me again.
25. My boyfriend calls me Hunyeah Jewce (pronounced Hun-yeh, Juice). The first part came from the nickname Honey. DJ would call me this way too much. It started to turn into Hun-eeee, then hunyeee... because he said it SOOO often. One day, I got so fed up with him that I angrily tried to mock him and screamed "HUNYEAH!!!!!!" The name has stuck ever since. Jewce comes from the fact that I am jewish and that I have a lot of energy, like juice. So, now I answer to Hunyeah, Jewce, or Hunyeah Jewce. If he calls me Barry, I get concerned that something is wrong
1. I have written 445 blog posts on Myspace.com and received more than 25,000 hits over a two year period of time. Although I have just begun this blog, Im not sure if it will receive as much attention.
2. Up until I was 11, I had 180 degree flexibility. I have a picture of myself in a Karate tournament doing a side kick at 180 degrees. I stopped stretching during puberty and retained absolutely none of that flexibility. SAD!
3. I danced in Philadelphia's, Boscov's, 4th of July Parade two times. This parade was televised in most of the Northeast US on ABC. The first parade, I danced a tap number to "Boogie, Woogie, Bugle Boy." Our teacher didn't want to rechoreograph an old piece, so she made me dance the "girlie" steps and made me wear so much blush and lipstick because she wanted me to look more like a girl, than a boy.
4. When I was in 3rd grade, I was hospitalized 16 times. One time for an infection (in my nether regions) and 15 times for asthma. I missed 36 days of school that year. I have no idea how I ever passed 3rd grade.
5. When I danced with Houston Ballet, I was cast as the "Indian Man" in Stanton Welch's world premiere of "Tales of Texas." Because I am SOOOO ridiculously white, I was actually paid to go to a tanning salon. When that didnt work, I was paid to buy makeup that was specifically catered to Black people. Every show, I spent 45 minutes getting my neck, chest, face, and arms pancaked. When I walked onstage, I was not recognizable to most of my friends.
6. I took Tae Kwon Do for 8 years. Before I quit, I was about to test for my 2nd degree black belt. During my time in Tae Kwon Do, I traveled the competition circuit, went to the junior national olympics and placed 15th out of 60 in the black belt form category, hung out with world champions and famous Korean masters, moved through 3 do jangs (places of study), and got involved in so much politics that it would disgust you. Most of this took place before I was 11.
7. I am named after my mother's brother, who passed away at the young age of 5 of a rare form of Leukemia. I am the only of my siblings without a Jewish name. If I was a girl, my name would have been Rebecca. If I wanted to get closer to my Jewish roots, I could change Barry to it's Hebrew root, Baruch, but that would be too much like copy-catting Barack Obama, formerly known as Barry Obama(from birth to college).
8. I had a minorly obsessive compulsive streak for 3 months in 9th grade. Every morning, I awoke singing the "Oscar Meyer Weiner Song." I have no idea why, but I would sing it out loud all the time. And when I was in classes at school, I would sing it inside my head. One day it finally stopped.
9. I have played the piano since I was 5, I stopped lessons when I was 16. I can still play a few songs well, but have lost a lot of my touch. When I was in 6th grade I took up the xylophone (and anything else mallet percussion related) and joined our school's steel drum band. Towards the end of 6th grade, I picked up the flute and taught myself. I would talk to my friend who had been playing for 3 years on the phone and play for her and ask for advice. I am still extremely proficient at the flute. In 7th grade, I started playing the clarinet. In 8th grade, my band teacher asked me to learn the alto saxophone, which I promptly did in one day. Finally, when I got into high school, I wanted to play flute in concert band. I was promptly told no and given 2nd chair alto saxophone out of 16 players from 9th to 12th grade. I was still so bored that I would sight transcribe flute music while playing the alto sax. I still love music to this day and miss playing in a group and hearing the harmonies that are created.
10. Im aware that I can talk up a storm. When I was really young...think 6 years old... my mom would tell me that if I would shut my mouth for 30 minutes, she would pay me $5. I would promptly run to the microwave, set the timer, sit quietly until the time was up, collect my earnings, and continue where I left off.
11. Ive only gotten one C on my report card in my life. It was 8th grade and I was through with wrestling in gym class. We had done it every year and I hated the pain and awkwardness (is that a word) of the unit. So, everytime gym came around, I would ask my band teacher for a private lesson pass. I would then make my way to the band room and go into the old files of music (that were special access to only our band director) and find something exciting and challenging. I think I went to gym 6 of 15 classes. I dont know how I didnt fail.
12. I absolutely despise "Law and Order" of any kind. Just hearing the theme music is enough to send me in a rage. Somehow, all of those close to me have a supreme hard-on for this show. My mom even has the theme as her ring tone.
13. One of my first professional ballets was Sleeping Beauty with Houston Ballet. I was 2nd cast for a monster in the first act. I hadnt really rehearsed it because I wasnt going to perform it. On dress rehearsal, my first cast got sick, so I had to go in. It was my job to get the spindle that I was told would be sitting on the prop table on stage right. I had a huge head on that blocked a lot of my vision. When I bolted offstage to get the spindle, I didnt see someone standing in the wings and knocked them off their feet looking for the spindle, that they were apparently holding. That person I knocked off of their feet was my new boss, Stanton Welch. I dont think he liked that very much :-/
14. My first "adult" experience was on the last night of a summer program. I dont know why, but the staff decided to let us do WHATEVER we wanted that night. So, we took a walk around the beautiful college campus, sat on a bench to chat, and promptly got it on out in the open. A couple people walked by and we fumbled around to make it look like we were just sitting talking. Looking back, it is pretty amusing.
15. When I was at the School of American Ballet, I cant even count the number of times that I asked my former teacher and current boss, Peter Boal, how to straighten my knees. I can remember asking how to gain hyperextension at least 10 to 15 times. I dont think he remembers this today.
16. I used to rollerskate competitively. On Tuesdays, my mom would pick me up from school and drive me to practice for 3 hours and on Saturdays we would wake up at 4 am to drive an hour to practice for about 4 hours. My dream was to be a famous ice skater. My grandmom told me if I quit dance, Tae Kwon Do, piano, and rollerskating, she would pay for me to get ice skating lessons. I quit in 8th grade after dance took more of my time. Oh, and I broke my arm doing a single axle between 5th and 6th grade.
17. I have a knack for extreme curiousity and weird questions. My 2nd grade teacher was awesome when I asked her things like "Why is Budweiser named Budweiser" and "Is it true that women in France dont shave their armpits?" in front of the entire class.
18. I starred in an educational dance video by Bob Rizzo, named "Ballet with Style." I dance a "boys" variation to badly computerized western style music, sport a cowboy hat, handkerchief, and jeans...all while dancing some really bad choreography. If you ever want a really good laugh and feel like wasting $30 or $40...check it out.
19. I was the "baby" of the family until I was 11 years old. I used to tell my mom how much I loved her and that if she ever had another kid, I wouldnt love her anymore. When she found out she was pregnant with my little bro, she sat me down and asked me if it was ok with me, if I wanted her to have the baby, and if I would still love her. I promptly said, I dont really care and I had already figured it out. To this day, I still wonder what would have happened if I said no...
20. From 2nd grade to 8th grade, I didnt watch anything but the weather channel. My obsession with weather began when Hurricane Andrew struck southern Florida. I wanted so badly to be a meteorologist that I spend countless hours studying this channel. I still put it on when I need ambient noise or time to relax.
21. When I went to the Kirov and School of American Ballet, I used to write down all of my corrections after class. I would write them in notebooks, on tear off pads and hang them around my room, or post-its. I forgot how absolutely crazy I was until I went home this past week. I brought all of the notes I have left home with me to re-read. It may take me weeks to get through all of them.
22. When I was growing up, my best friend was Korean. We would sit in his basement every Saturday and Sunday playing video games for at least 10 hours. I became a video game nerd. This is also where I learned to try any type of food. Being directly from South Korea, his mom would cook us things like anchovies, cuttlefish, and squid. Once, I watched her fry a whole squid and plop it on our plate. I enjoyed it thoroughly, as well as learned that squid has a beak.
23. I have a moderately severe fear of mustard. Yes...all types. I dont like to even see a bottle of mustard. If it touches me, I panic. If it touches my tongue, I know instantly, and cry, hyperventilate, panic, heave, and speak non-sensically.
24. When my mom took her first trip without the family, my step dad and neighbors (directors of the do jang we attended) took care of my sister and me. I was going to the do jang when I lost my belt. When we were looking for my belt in our neighbors car, my friend didnt realize what he was picking up. When he pulled it up as fast as he could, he hit me smack in the mouth with a crow bar. I had a fat lip for a week. I promptly requested for my mom never to leave me again.
25. My boyfriend calls me Hunyeah Jewce (pronounced Hun-yeh, Juice). The first part came from the nickname Honey. DJ would call me this way too much. It started to turn into Hun-eeee, then hunyeee... because he said it SOOO often. One day, I got so fed up with him that I angrily tried to mock him and screamed "HUNYEAH!!!!!!" The name has stuck ever since. Jewce comes from the fact that I am jewish and that I have a lot of energy, like juice. So, now I answer to Hunyeah, Jewce, or Hunyeah Jewce. If he calls me Barry, I get concerned that something is wrong
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Vacation is never Vacation
Im at home right now sitting on my family's huge sectional couch in the living room, watching Sober House and trying to just take in the relaxation. I dont know what it is, but I find that coming home is always a lot more work than relaxation. In fact, I feel like I often leave more exhausted after a "vacation," then I felt before I arrived. There are many factors that make these trips so tiring.
Ok, so I probably made a mistake at the beginning of this vacation. I NEVER drink before packing. I had a busy week last week and didnt get around to packing until Saturday night after we closed Jewels. As everybody can tell from my most recent blog, I had a pretty bad day on Friday. My Jewbro decided to treat me to dinner to let off some steam on Saturday night after the show. So, we went out to eat at The Deluxe. It was supposed to just be dinner and a drink, but Jewbro had some friends in town that were at the Stumbling Monk and wanted to stop by for a beer before he took me home. I agreed, thinking it wouldnt hurt to relax a bit after a hard week.
I had never been to the Stumbling Monk before, even though Jewbro tried to convince me to go a few times. It was a nice atmosphere, smaller, with only beer. A pub, per se. I met his friends and we hit it off. I decided to stay for another beer and chose to walk home afterwards. Somehow, I ended up getting quite drunk and walking home around 330 am. I still had to pack and refused to wake up and pack because I have a fear of waking up late and not having my clothes packed. So, I stayed awake packing until 6 in the morning. Went to sleep and woke up at 1030 am. I felt fine, aside from my stomach hating me for drinking the night before. I had to recheck everything I packed and was fine. Off to the airport feeling like shit, I changed my seat to an aisle seat in case I needed to use the bathroom and waited for my delayed flight to arrive.
So, finally, I arrive in Newark around midnight and had to find my way to NYC via airtrain, train, and cab. I finally got to NYC at 2 am and spent the night at our good friend JK's. The next day we woke up and it was time to have my whirlwind NYC comeback. We were out by noon and went to Central Park, Soho, Union Square, and a few other places and on the train home to Downingtown by 630 pm. Home by 930 and chilling. I was already exhausted by this point, but the week had just begun.
On Tuesday, DJ and I tried to sleep in. I say tried because I always have a big problem sleeping when I come to the east coast from the west coast. Yeah, its only a 3 hour time difference, but I already go to sleep so late, it really fucks with my head. I go to sleep between 1 and 2 typically on the west coast. So, when I come to the East coast, I cant fall asleep until 4 or 5 in the morning due to the time difference. Then, I usually need to wake up by 8 or 9 am if I want to do something other than sit around the house all day due to transportation needs. So, I get no sleep and am generally exhausted whenever Im home. So, anyway, on Tuesday DJ and I went to Coatesville to check out some of the damage from the arson fires that have been happening in the last year. Its kind of crazy to be honest. There have been over 30 arson fires in the last year, 23 of them since January 1st. Its insane. I heard about this on the news in Seattle, its such big news. Its kind of sad to see my hometown be burnt to the ground. Somehow, they have no idea who the person or people are behind the arsons. So...we drove around and were taking pictures. And at one point there was this really frightening guy that was just chilling in his car. When we got back into our car and I took a picture from the car, he turned his car on and started to follow us. I panicked and started doing some crazy turns to out manuever this guy. I was afraid of confrontation. I dont know if this guy was a town watch guy, an angry homeowner, or the FBI. All I know is, if its the FBI...sorry mom...they probably have your license plate number. Anyway, after that we picked up my bro, checked out an Underground Railroad site and went to our
favorite, trashy stop at home, Walmart. The rest of that day was followed by dinner with the Scoobies.
Wednesday, DJ and I went into Philly. We had to get driven to the train station to go into the city, so we got up super early. We got into Philly around 1030 and from there until 6, we accomplished so much it was frightening. The short story is we went to Independence Hall, Benjamin Franklin's former house and museum, South Street, Broad Street, Rittenhouse Square, Society Hill, First Unitarian Church, Monk's Cafe(an awesome belgian pub), and Chinatown. We finished and came home for dinner. Stayed up watching Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo, a nice, light funny movie.
So, this morning came and we decide to sleep in a bit. We drove back into Philly and went to the Philadelphia Art Museum. Although PAM is one of the most impressive museums Ive ever been to (or for that matter danced in front of), Im not big on art museums. DJ loves them, so I always suck it up and go to a museum or two when we are out of Seattle. Luckily, we could only go for about 2 hours because my brother, another DJ, had a guitar lesson. We came home, chilled for an hour, then dinner, then I visited my old dance studio. I showed up to catch up with my former director and former teacher, somehow I ended up teaching a bit of partnering and pointe class. ha! I loved it though. It made me realize that I look forward to becoming a teacher and shaping young dancers to do what I love to do. It really felt good.
So, this is why I always end up coming home more exhausted than I was before I left. Whats up next? Tomorrow is sister, mall, synagogue (blech....long story), drinks, and Saturday is valentines dinner with scoobys and bowling. The worst part of the weekend will be Sunday, when we have to take a 2 1/2 hour train ride to newark, just to take a 6 hour flight home. SUCKY SUCKY! Anyway....Ive written a blog that is WAY to long! So, I hope everyone is having a great break, and if you arent a dancer at PNB, I hope you are having a great week :) Ciao!
Ok, so I probably made a mistake at the beginning of this vacation. I NEVER drink before packing. I had a busy week last week and didnt get around to packing until Saturday night after we closed Jewels. As everybody can tell from my most recent blog, I had a pretty bad day on Friday. My Jewbro decided to treat me to dinner to let off some steam on Saturday night after the show. So, we went out to eat at The Deluxe. It was supposed to just be dinner and a drink, but Jewbro had some friends in town that were at the Stumbling Monk and wanted to stop by for a beer before he took me home. I agreed, thinking it wouldnt hurt to relax a bit after a hard week.
I had never been to the Stumbling Monk before, even though Jewbro tried to convince me to go a few times. It was a nice atmosphere, smaller, with only beer. A pub, per se. I met his friends and we hit it off. I decided to stay for another beer and chose to walk home afterwards. Somehow, I ended up getting quite drunk and walking home around 330 am. I still had to pack and refused to wake up and pack because I have a fear of waking up late and not having my clothes packed. So, I stayed awake packing until 6 in the morning. Went to sleep and woke up at 1030 am. I felt fine, aside from my stomach hating me for drinking the night before. I had to recheck everything I packed and was fine. Off to the airport feeling like shit, I changed my seat to an aisle seat in case I needed to use the bathroom and waited for my delayed flight to arrive.
So, finally, I arrive in Newark around midnight and had to find my way to NYC via airtrain, train, and cab. I finally got to NYC at 2 am and spent the night at our good friend JK's. The next day we woke up and it was time to have my whirlwind NYC comeback. We were out by noon and went to Central Park, Soho, Union Square, and a few other places and on the train home to Downingtown by 630 pm. Home by 930 and chilling. I was already exhausted by this point, but the week had just begun.
On Tuesday, DJ and I tried to sleep in. I say tried because I always have a big problem sleeping when I come to the east coast from the west coast. Yeah, its only a 3 hour time difference, but I already go to sleep so late, it really fucks with my head. I go to sleep between 1 and 2 typically on the west coast. So, when I come to the East coast, I cant fall asleep until 4 or 5 in the morning due to the time difference. Then, I usually need to wake up by 8 or 9 am if I want to do something other than sit around the house all day due to transportation needs. So, I get no sleep and am generally exhausted whenever Im home. So, anyway, on Tuesday DJ and I went to Coatesville to check out some of the damage from the arson fires that have been happening in the last year. Its kind of crazy to be honest. There have been over 30 arson fires in the last year, 23 of them since January 1st. Its insane. I heard about this on the news in Seattle, its such big news. Its kind of sad to see my hometown be burnt to the ground. Somehow, they have no idea who the person or people are behind the arsons. So...we drove around and were taking pictures. And at one point there was this really frightening guy that was just chilling in his car. When we got back into our car and I took a picture from the car, he turned his car on and started to follow us. I panicked and started doing some crazy turns to out manuever this guy. I was afraid of confrontation. I dont know if this guy was a town watch guy, an angry homeowner, or the FBI. All I know is, if its the FBI...sorry mom...they probably have your license plate number. Anyway, after that we picked up my bro, checked out an Underground Railroad site and went to our
favorite, trashy stop at home, Walmart. The rest of that day was followed by dinner with the Scoobies.Wednesday, DJ and I went into Philly. We had to get driven to the train station to go into the city, so we got up super early. We got into Philly around 1030 and from there until 6, we accomplished so much it was frightening. The short story is we went to Independence Hall, Benjamin Franklin's former house and museum, South Street, Broad Street, Rittenhouse Square, Society Hill, First Unitarian Church, Monk's Cafe(an awesome belgian pub), and Chinatown. We finished and came home for dinner. Stayed up watching Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo, a nice, light funny movie.
So, this morning came and we decide to sleep in a bit. We drove back into Philly and went to the Philadelphia Art Museum. Although PAM is one of the most impressive museums Ive ever been to (or for that matter danced in front of), Im not big on art museums. DJ loves them, so I always suck it up and go to a museum or two when we are out of Seattle. Luckily, we could only go for about 2 hours because my brother, another DJ, had a guitar lesson. We came home, chilled for an hour, then dinner, then I visited my old dance studio. I showed up to catch up with my former director and former teacher, somehow I ended up teaching a bit of partnering and pointe class. ha! I loved it though. It made me realize that I look forward to becoming a teacher and shaping young dancers to do what I love to do. It really felt good.
So, this is why I always end up coming home more exhausted than I was before I left. Whats up next? Tomorrow is sister, mall, synagogue (blech....long story), drinks, and Saturday is valentines dinner with scoobys and bowling. The worst part of the weekend will be Sunday, when we have to take a 2 1/2 hour train ride to newark, just to take a 6 hour flight home. SUCKY SUCKY! Anyway....Ive written a blog that is WAY to long! So, I hope everyone is having a great break, and if you arent a dancer at PNB, I hope you are having a great week :) Ciao!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Just Dance It
Today has been a very hard day for me. Dont worry, nothing is horribly wrong...DJ and I are fine (even though he got to leave for the east coast two days before me and will spend that time in NYC....Im jealous). In fact, I can't really even discuss the cowardly happenings that caused me to crumble into an abyss of mental rage. Nonetheless, I can write and it will probably make me feel better.
So, after I had the event this morning, I was in a really bad mood. I didnt really know what to do, I felt very confused, and I wanted to shut everybody out. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like I really needed to use ballet as my outlet. Not that ballet isnt my outlet, but it has been awhile since I really just wanted to be a deaf, mute and just enter the studio and dance away my worries. Unfortunately and fortunately things turned out a little different.
I started walking to work and I put on my IPod. I needed the right mood of music to keep me from screaming, crying, or throwing some sort of fit. Trance mix 2 wasnt doing it for me. I scanned my memory for a good set of songs that would help me pass my frustration. Low and behold, the one artist that has always been there for me in a hard time came to my mind. Kelly Clarkson. She has two albums that I love (I didnt get into her until post-American-Idol fame). The first one, Breakaway, was the perfect healing to my wounded soul after my first love treated me like shit, used me and abused me, and then dumped me. Her songs on that album spoke to me and told me that I wasnt alone in having the feelings that I was having. The second one, My December, is when Kelly gets ANGRY about the situation. So, I opted to walk to work with the ANGRY album. Although, I didnt love this person, it made me feel good to feel my own angst and raw emotion in music.
So, I arrived at work ready to block out the world. As I said before, my objective was to block everybody out until the first plie. Well, the second I walked into the building, Abaliscious' and her mom were sitting in the lounge. I was forced to pretend like I was happy to meet her and in a great mood. Granted, I was happy to meet her...I just didnt want to meet her then. So, I went to change, put my music back on and made my way downstairs to find that our studio was already filled by PD's being looked at by the artistic directors of Colorado Ballet and Ballet San Jose Silicon Valley(BSJSV). So, I couldnt go into the studio and do what I planned and instead, ended up sitting with some friends and chatting. I really just wanted to sit there and block everybody out, as I have said, but what I dreaded even more was having to deal with people asking me if I was ok after I had acted abnormally. So, instead, I chose to act normally.
So, we finally get into the studio and class goes fine. I didnt feel great, but it was fine. I always enjoy P Gibbers class. After class, Im becoming more and more aware that Im boiling inside. I was having angry thoughts towards people that I didnt have any anger towards, I was frustrated about this and that, and perhaps being snappier than I usually am (I dont think I really snappy at all usually). I finally get to the point where I feel that I need to at least discuss a little bit of what happened to somebody (unfortunately, Im not a very withheld person...I try to keep things in, but I just cant or it eats me up).
Im now feeling a little better since Ive at least vocalized my frustrations. We had Rubies rehearsal and then West Side Story Suite Rehearsal. I think that both of these pieces are a lot of fun. It brightened my day a bit, even though our guest setter was being moderately frustrating by just saying things, instead of thinking out better ways to say what she wanted. Finally, we got to one of my favorite parts of WSSS..."Cool." As everybody knows the story of West Side Story, I dont really need to explain much, but in "Cool" everybody is frustrated and angry at their opposing gang. I get to do a little part where I get super frustrated, then act a little crazy, then just let it all go. Its a little wild. Now, when I usually do this part, I try to act the part out as well as I can, but today was different. I think I actually had an out of body experience. The second I started, I channeled all of my anger from today into that moment. I honestly dont remember what happened. I had chills and my eyes started to well up with tears. It just felt so good to truly live out my frustrations. Like, when you want to scream at the top of your lungs or explode. We all say that we want to, but I actually got to. At that moment, I felt like I had never been more honest to myself. It was a really magical moment, nobody would ever know if I didnt write it here, but it was magical.
Although, I dont want to feel these feelings, I know that I will cherish that moment of breakthrough. It's pretty much unexplainable (is that even a word?). I dont want to explain it. I just want to live it. So, with that, Im gonna go and just say thank you for letting me share this.
So, after I had the event this morning, I was in a really bad mood. I didnt really know what to do, I felt very confused, and I wanted to shut everybody out. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like I really needed to use ballet as my outlet. Not that ballet isnt my outlet, but it has been awhile since I really just wanted to be a deaf, mute and just enter the studio and dance away my worries. Unfortunately and fortunately things turned out a little different.
I started walking to work and I put on my IPod. I needed the right mood of music to keep me from screaming, crying, or throwing some sort of fit. Trance mix 2 wasnt doing it for me. I scanned my memory for a good set of songs that would help me pass my frustration. Low and behold, the one artist that has always been there for me in a hard time came to my mind. Kelly Clarkson. She has two albums that I love (I didnt get into her until post-American-Idol fame). The first one, Breakaway, was the perfect healing to my wounded soul after my first love treated me like shit, used me and abused me, and then dumped me. Her songs on that album spoke to me and told me that I wasnt alone in having the feelings that I was having. The second one, My December, is when Kelly gets ANGRY about the situation. So, I opted to walk to work with the ANGRY album. Although, I didnt love this person, it made me feel good to feel my own angst and raw emotion in music.
So, I arrived at work ready to block out the world. As I said before, my objective was to block everybody out until the first plie. Well, the second I walked into the building, Abaliscious' and her mom were sitting in the lounge. I was forced to pretend like I was happy to meet her and in a great mood. Granted, I was happy to meet her...I just didnt want to meet her then. So, I went to change, put my music back on and made my way downstairs to find that our studio was already filled by PD's being looked at by the artistic directors of Colorado Ballet and Ballet San Jose Silicon Valley(BSJSV). So, I couldnt go into the studio and do what I planned and instead, ended up sitting with some friends and chatting. I really just wanted to sit there and block everybody out, as I have said, but what I dreaded even more was having to deal with people asking me if I was ok after I had acted abnormally. So, instead, I chose to act normally.
So, we finally get into the studio and class goes fine. I didnt feel great, but it was fine. I always enjoy P Gibbers class. After class, Im becoming more and more aware that Im boiling inside. I was having angry thoughts towards people that I didnt have any anger towards, I was frustrated about this and that, and perhaps being snappier than I usually am (I dont think I really snappy at all usually). I finally get to the point where I feel that I need to at least discuss a little bit of what happened to somebody (unfortunately, Im not a very withheld person...I try to keep things in, but I just cant or it eats me up).
Im now feeling a little better since Ive at least vocalized my frustrations. We had Rubies rehearsal and then West Side Story Suite Rehearsal. I think that both of these pieces are a lot of fun. It brightened my day a bit, even though our guest setter was being moderately frustrating by just saying things, instead of thinking out better ways to say what she wanted. Finally, we got to one of my favorite parts of WSSS..."Cool." As everybody knows the story of West Side Story, I dont really need to explain much, but in "Cool" everybody is frustrated and angry at their opposing gang. I get to do a little part where I get super frustrated, then act a little crazy, then just let it all go. Its a little wild. Now, when I usually do this part, I try to act the part out as well as I can, but today was different. I think I actually had an out of body experience. The second I started, I channeled all of my anger from today into that moment. I honestly dont remember what happened. I had chills and my eyes started to well up with tears. It just felt so good to truly live out my frustrations. Like, when you want to scream at the top of your lungs or explode. We all say that we want to, but I actually got to. At that moment, I felt like I had never been more honest to myself. It was a really magical moment, nobody would ever know if I didnt write it here, but it was magical.
Although, I dont want to feel these feelings, I know that I will cherish that moment of breakthrough. It's pretty much unexplainable (is that even a word?). I dont want to explain it. I just want to live it. So, with that, Im gonna go and just say thank you for letting me share this.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Im No Sleeping Beauty
So, I just took my wonderful little pill and there is a good chance that I may see some glowing butterflies by the end of the night. That is, I took a white pill that goes by the name of Lunesta. So, if this blog goes horribly awry, it may be due to the fact that I am falling asleep an incoherent. Ill do my best to avoid that though.
Recently, the subject of sleeping pills came up at work. I am pretty willing to put it out there. I am not a sleeper. I dont know why, but I can wake up extremely tired, remain tired for the entirety of the day...and the second that the clock hits 9 pm...I am WIDE awake and ready to go. I dont know if there is a term for this, but I am definitely a night person. I dont know how this happened or why this is, but its just how I am.
Due to this, I have trouble falling asleep at night. I could lay in bed for hours upon hours staring at the ceiling, watching choreography as I stare into my eyelids, or manipulating events in my life to my liking or disliking. I dont know why I do this, but it keeps me wide awake. Because I like to stay wide awake when I really should be (and need to be) asleep, I often feel the need to take something to put me to sleep. Because of this, over the past few years I have attempted many different sleeping aids and had some success with some and am moderately skeptical about others.
Sleeping Aides that I have taken:
Tylenol PM: I usually go for the "PM" part of tylenol PM because I value my liver. Ive come to learn that it is really nothing other than benadryl. This stuff works. When I was going through a break up years ago, I would take it every night. Eventually, I had to up my dosage to 3 pills to go to sleep, but after a couple tries of that, I determined that I have bigger issues than sleep if Im taking three. So, I stopped taking tylenol pm. Now, I only take it here or there because although it helps me sleep, it really isnt worth the horrible hangover you have int he morning. Think...suicidal thoughts when you wake up...only because you want to go back to sleep. Try taking a full on ballet class with a tylenol PM hangover. BAD NEWS! Nonetheless, I give Tylenol PM 3 stars
Ambien: I was prescribed Ambien when I had mono. Seems like an oxymoron almost. Unfortunately for me, mono only exhausted my body. It didnt exhaust my mind. I had never been physically inactive for more than 2 weeks at any point in my life before the age of 2. When I found myself laying on the couch for over a month, my mind went crazy and I started getting relatively no sleep. I would go to sleep around 5 am and wake up around 9 am. In my misery, I went to the doctor and asked for help. They gave me Ambien and Ambien gave me hallucinations. I was sitting at my computer the first time I took it and thought all of a sudden that my instant message letters were floating on clouds. I also kept having to turn from my desk to make sure that there wasnt a balcony of people watching me from above (almost Harry Potter Jury style). Ambien was fun, but it didnt let me sleep. I may have been too fascinated with the halluciations to sleep. I rate ambien a 1 for usefulness and 4 for fun...well...drowsy fun
Lunesta: This drug is the one that I am currently beginning to feel the effects of. My doctor prescribed me this because he thinks that I get sick often because I am such a physically active person and almost never get more than 7 hours of sleep a night. He gave this to me and told me to make sure I get eight hours of sleep (that means to bed by 1245 am). Lunesta is pretty good. It does its job. I want to run for the bed the second it starts kicking in. The odd thing about this medication is that it alters anything you eat or drink after it starts kicking in. Altogether, though, I would give ambien a strong 4 for effectiveness. This one can also give you a bit of a hangover in the morning, but it doesnt compare to the Tylenol PM hangover
Cyclobenzaprene: Well, this isnt really a sleeping pill. Its a muscle relaxer. When I hurt my back in November, my Dr. prescribed me this to help with muscle spasms. If you want the deepest sleep that leaves you feeling like you are falling through the springs in your mattress...this is for you. This medication makes you feel super depressed and bitchy if you try to stay away, but if you give in to the medication and go to sleep, it can be quite enjoyable. The only thing about this is, being a dancer, I wouldnt take this for anything but muscle pain and I would never use it within 12 hours of having to dance because it can make your muscles feel kind of weak the next day. So, I give this one a 5 for sleep, but a 1 for usability. not really a sleep aid I guess, just could be used for sleep.
Xanax: I am not depressed, nor am I anxious. Ive never been given a prescription for xanax, but I have been given some when I was having trouble sleeping. Xanax is perfect for a really long plane trip where you wont have any responsibilities. This stuff is HARDCORE. I took 1/4 of a normal 2 gram pill. And when I got off the couch next, I stumbled into my bedroom worse than a drunk. If you dont get 8-10 hours of sleep, you will be non functional in the morning, but if you do get that sleep, you feel great the next day. So for the xanax - functionality - 5, usefulness - 5, my wanting to take it - negative 5. I dont know why, but I have no want to use xanax to sleep
Valerian: My dr suggested I get this to help me sleep. It is a natural root that is said to have calming properties. It is not a sleep aid, but it has anti anxiety properties in it. Considering that a lot of people tell me that I seem pretty anxious all the time, I think it really was just a hint from my dr. to calm down. So, I tried this stuff, it tastes like shit. You use droppers to mix it with water. Its calming, but it wont put me to sleep. My rating for this natural supplement is pretty much a 1 in sleep effectiveess.
Vicodin: Vicodin (often given as cough syrup when Im sick) can help calm me a bit to go to sleep. It doesnt necessarily make me tired, but it helps calm me to go to sleep. There is a fine line here though. If you take too little, I wont get sleepy, and if I take too much, I get closed eyed paranoid vivid dreams. The vivid dreams end up keeping me awake because they scare me so. So, I try to not take vicodin unless I actually do have a cough. So, I rate vicodin at a 3.
Melatonin: Lastly, is melatonin. This stuff is either really effective or really not. What it does is it resets the brain. It make the brain think that when it is dark outside you should be sleeping. So, if you took this at anytime during the day, you would probably be really disoriented and depressed. So, I take melatonin whenever I travel.I take it sometimes at night to help me fall asleep. But, what Ive noticed is that it only works foa few days, then I seem to develop a tolerance. Also, there are moments when I get hangovers from melatonin, again not as bad as tylenol PM. I would rate melatonin a 3.
As always, everybody has an extremely strong opinion where I work. I felt really judged by people at one point, telling me what I should and shouldnt take. I understand where they are coming from, but its my decision to make. It just makes me question if its ok that I take sleeping pills about 2 or 3 times a week (I actually do attempt to sleep naturally a couple days a week). I know it would be best for me to sleep naturally every night, but is it really so bad for me to get a good nights rest chemically so that my body can rest and regenerate and so my immune system can build up? I wish I was one of those people that can just lay in bed and fall asleep (ie any guy Ive ever dated or been roommates with). Oh well. Im starting to fade, so Im off!
Recently, the subject of sleeping pills came up at work. I am pretty willing to put it out there. I am not a sleeper. I dont know why, but I can wake up extremely tired, remain tired for the entirety of the day...and the second that the clock hits 9 pm...I am WIDE awake and ready to go. I dont know if there is a term for this, but I am definitely a night person. I dont know how this happened or why this is, but its just how I am.
Due to this, I have trouble falling asleep at night. I could lay in bed for hours upon hours staring at the ceiling, watching choreography as I stare into my eyelids, or manipulating events in my life to my liking or disliking. I dont know why I do this, but it keeps me wide awake. Because I like to stay wide awake when I really should be (and need to be) asleep, I often feel the need to take something to put me to sleep. Because of this, over the past few years I have attempted many different sleeping aids and had some success with some and am moderately skeptical about others.
Sleeping Aides that I have taken:
Tylenol PM: I usually go for the "PM" part of tylenol PM because I value my liver. Ive come to learn that it is really nothing other than benadryl. This stuff works. When I was going through a break up years ago, I would take it every night. Eventually, I had to up my dosage to 3 pills to go to sleep, but after a couple tries of that, I determined that I have bigger issues than sleep if Im taking three. So, I stopped taking tylenol pm. Now, I only take it here or there because although it helps me sleep, it really isnt worth the horrible hangover you have int he morning. Think...suicidal thoughts when you wake up...only because you want to go back to sleep. Try taking a full on ballet class with a tylenol PM hangover. BAD NEWS! Nonetheless, I give Tylenol PM 3 stars
Ambien: I was prescribed Ambien when I had mono. Seems like an oxymoron almost. Unfortunately for me, mono only exhausted my body. It didnt exhaust my mind. I had never been physically inactive for more than 2 weeks at any point in my life before the age of 2. When I found myself laying on the couch for over a month, my mind went crazy and I started getting relatively no sleep. I would go to sleep around 5 am and wake up around 9 am. In my misery, I went to the doctor and asked for help. They gave me Ambien and Ambien gave me hallucinations. I was sitting at my computer the first time I took it and thought all of a sudden that my instant message letters were floating on clouds. I also kept having to turn from my desk to make sure that there wasnt a balcony of people watching me from above (almost Harry Potter Jury style). Ambien was fun, but it didnt let me sleep. I may have been too fascinated with the halluciations to sleep. I rate ambien a 1 for usefulness and 4 for fun...well...drowsy fun
Lunesta: This drug is the one that I am currently beginning to feel the effects of. My doctor prescribed me this because he thinks that I get sick often because I am such a physically active person and almost never get more than 7 hours of sleep a night. He gave this to me and told me to make sure I get eight hours of sleep (that means to bed by 1245 am). Lunesta is pretty good. It does its job. I want to run for the bed the second it starts kicking in. The odd thing about this medication is that it alters anything you eat or drink after it starts kicking in. Altogether, though, I would give ambien a strong 4 for effectiveness. This one can also give you a bit of a hangover in the morning, but it doesnt compare to the Tylenol PM hangover
Cyclobenzaprene: Well, this isnt really a sleeping pill. Its a muscle relaxer. When I hurt my back in November, my Dr. prescribed me this to help with muscle spasms. If you want the deepest sleep that leaves you feeling like you are falling through the springs in your mattress...this is for you. This medication makes you feel super depressed and bitchy if you try to stay away, but if you give in to the medication and go to sleep, it can be quite enjoyable. The only thing about this is, being a dancer, I wouldnt take this for anything but muscle pain and I would never use it within 12 hours of having to dance because it can make your muscles feel kind of weak the next day. So, I give this one a 5 for sleep, but a 1 for usability. not really a sleep aid I guess, just could be used for sleep.
Xanax: I am not depressed, nor am I anxious. Ive never been given a prescription for xanax, but I have been given some when I was having trouble sleeping. Xanax is perfect for a really long plane trip where you wont have any responsibilities. This stuff is HARDCORE. I took 1/4 of a normal 2 gram pill. And when I got off the couch next, I stumbled into my bedroom worse than a drunk. If you dont get 8-10 hours of sleep, you will be non functional in the morning, but if you do get that sleep, you feel great the next day. So for the xanax - functionality - 5, usefulness - 5, my wanting to take it - negative 5. I dont know why, but I have no want to use xanax to sleep
Valerian: My dr suggested I get this to help me sleep. It is a natural root that is said to have calming properties. It is not a sleep aid, but it has anti anxiety properties in it. Considering that a lot of people tell me that I seem pretty anxious all the time, I think it really was just a hint from my dr. to calm down. So, I tried this stuff, it tastes like shit. You use droppers to mix it with water. Its calming, but it wont put me to sleep. My rating for this natural supplement is pretty much a 1 in sleep effectiveess.
Vicodin: Vicodin (often given as cough syrup when Im sick) can help calm me a bit to go to sleep. It doesnt necessarily make me tired, but it helps calm me to go to sleep. There is a fine line here though. If you take too little, I wont get sleepy, and if I take too much, I get closed eyed paranoid vivid dreams. The vivid dreams end up keeping me awake because they scare me so. So, I try to not take vicodin unless I actually do have a cough. So, I rate vicodin at a 3.
Melatonin: Lastly, is melatonin. This stuff is either really effective or really not. What it does is it resets the brain. It make the brain think that when it is dark outside you should be sleeping. So, if you took this at anytime during the day, you would probably be really disoriented and depressed. So, I take melatonin whenever I travel.I take it sometimes at night to help me fall asleep. But, what Ive noticed is that it only works foa few days, then I seem to develop a tolerance. Also, there are moments when I get hangovers from melatonin, again not as bad as tylenol PM. I would rate melatonin a 3.
As always, everybody has an extremely strong opinion where I work. I felt really judged by people at one point, telling me what I should and shouldnt take. I understand where they are coming from, but its my decision to make. It just makes me question if its ok that I take sleeping pills about 2 or 3 times a week (I actually do attempt to sleep naturally a couple days a week). I know it would be best for me to sleep naturally every night, but is it really so bad for me to get a good nights rest chemically so that my body can rest and regenerate and so my immune system can build up? I wish I was one of those people that can just lay in bed and fall asleep (ie any guy Ive ever dated or been roommates with). Oh well. Im starting to fade, so Im off!
Friday, January 30, 2009
My Kitties
I have a myriad of topics that I could discuss on here. Considering that I have had a few beers, three to be exact, and that I am tired from a day of shows, Ive come to the decision that I will discuss a lighter topic that is easier to write about. So, here we go!
My cats will be the discussion of this evening :) Im definitely a cat person! If you have never been over to my home, you have probably never met my cats, though you may have heard stories about them or at least heard their names.
All of my life, I have lived with cats. I have had dogs, too, but Im not very fond of dogs. The first two cats that we had since before I was born were named ambrosia and amnesia. As I got older we had Sunny, Willow, Rascal, and chicklet. By the time I was 15, I knew that I wanted a unique name for our next cat. I had moved out of my house by 17 to train at the Kirov Academy of Ballet in DC and at that point, my mom had gotten a new cat. As the years passed, she got two more cats. I really, really wanted to name a cat psycho. I dont know why, but I thought it was the funniest, most unique name. So, when I got my own cats, I finally got my wish and named one of my cats Psycho!
PSYCHO
So, here is Psycho! Psycho was a lucky kitty. When I first wanted to get a cat, I decided that I was just going to get one. I didnt think that I could afford two cats and, to be honest, I didnt want to clean up litter for two cats. I'd never tell him, but he was my second choice, but Ill get to that later.
Although, Psycho was my second choice, Im so glad that I got him. Psycho is a light, cream color. Not orange, but somewhere between orange and vanilla. He has a really unique looking face. I call him "my little lion." His face isnt shaped like your typical Domestic Short Hair'ed cat, but I like it. Also, when he was a baby, he kind of had a lazy eye. But, Im glad that as he got older he grew out of that because my first boyfriend had a really lazy eye and it kind of reminded me of him. Anyway, the funny thing about Psycho is that he isnt really that Psycho at all. He is the most chill cat that you have ever met. I would definitely call him a lap cat. You can pick him up and hold him upside down and walk around for 5 minutes and he wouldnt really care that you were doing that. He loves to be pet on his belly and will welcome any newcomers into our house. He is our little mechanical cat. He can open any cabinet door, manipulate any sliding door, and sneak into any space. When he was younger, he used to try and hide on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. Admittedly, one time, I even left him in the fridge for five minutes until I realized
that he was nowhere to be found. He loves to go outside on our balcony and he loves to cuddle. At night, he sleeps next to me (if i choose to sleep on the side of the bed thats not against the wall) and rests with his head on my hand. That is his most comfortable position and I think its the cutest thing ever. DJ thinks that Psycho is trying to kill him with his shit. That is the one unfortunate thing about Psycho, he never learned how to cover up after he used the litter box and he has some rank methane stored up in his body. Luckily, we always know what is coming because the moment that he goes, he runs around the apartment and shows why his name is Psycho.Maddie
Maddie is a beautiful, calico colored cat. When I first went to the pet store, she was the first cat that I had my eye on. I asked the owners of the store if I could pick her up and they said yes and walked away. I tried to pick her up, and in typical Maddie fashion, she held onto the carpet inside of her crate and wouldnt let me pick her up. I walked away thinking, I dont want that cat. The owner asked if I had held her and I said that she wouldnt let me. The owner walked me over and yanked her reluctant self off the carpet and handed her over to me. The second she was in my arms, she started rubbing her face to my cheek and kissing my cheeks. I was hooked. She was going to be my Psycho. I had fallen SOOO in love with this cat at that very moment that I didnt want her to be alone. I didnt want her to be bored and waiting for me. So, I decided she needed a brother, and chose Psycho.After taking Maddie home, I didnt name her for over a week. I already had Psycho's name set for almost 7 years. I felt she deserved to at least earn a name. So, for a week I dealt with her nuzzling my face for affection, trying to stick her mouth inside my mouth (She tried to make out with me for a year, but eventually gave up and now just nuzzles my face). Since she was so affectionate and loved to rub her face against every part of my body (minds out of the gutter people), I named her Madame-Rubs-A-Lot. I figured that would be to hard to say everytime I wanted to call her, so I affectionally gave her the nickname of Maddie.
Its kind of amusing because Maddie is so crazy and Psycho is so chill. Its almost as if they should have different names, but I like the idea that Psycho's name is mostly an oxymoron. Maddie is
truly the crazy cat. She is EXTREMELY intelligent. She practically understands the English language. She is extremely tempermental. She is so loving and manipulative. When she wants something, she knows how to get it. Its almost like Maddie is the brains and Psycho is the brawn. Maddie is super affectionate with me, but isnt very fond of other people. I take pride in the fact that I have raised my cats not to scratch or bite people. But, Maddie is a BITCH! My nickname for her is actually "Kitty McBitch Bitch." She will let you get super close to her, but walk away before you can pet her. She knows she is pretty and abuses that privelege.When Dan first moved to Seattle, Maddie used to only let DJ pet her when I wasnt home. She would never let me see that she was willing to show affection to anybody but me. She is extremely loyal to me, too. She actually acts like a dog to me. Sometimes, I walk around our apartment in circles just to watch Maddie follow me around. Ive done this for more than 5 minutes once and she never ceased to follow. Anyway, although I love her dearly, she is like a teenager. She drives me nuts sometimes with her moods. She cant sit on my lap for more than 5 minutes and she is always getting into trouble.
With all that said, my cats are awesome and I am so lucky to have them to keep me company. They have been with me through some of my lowest times. They know when things arent good. They laid with me when I cried after my first love and I ended it, they were by my side every moment of the time that I was home for a month when I had mono and only 2 friends dared visit me for my month of misery, and most recently, when I had complications after my nasal surgery, they laid at my side and on my legs, even as I kicked my legs in bed in a panic as I choked on my own blood clots. My cats are the most loyal, loving kitties and I wouldnt trade them for a thing in the world. It's funny, my mom calls them her grandkids, and in a way they are almost like kids. I love them much!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
City of Beggars
What is it with the city of Seattle that draws lunacy out of a hefty percentage of its inhabitants? I have lived in Seattle for 4 1/2 years now and since day one I have been overwhelmed, annoyed, and shocked by the "crazies" that litter our streets. It just doesn't make sense to me sometimes.
I am a walker. I walk to work about a mile every day. It takes about 20 minutes to get to work if I walk fast and break the law by walking through red lights or jay walk at certain points. That means, I am guaranteed at least 40 minutes of street time if I walk to work and stay, and its at least 80 minutes if I come home in the middle of the day for lunch. So, either way...I spend a lot of time walking these streets. Its a nice way to get exercise and its a nice way to wind up for work or unwind from work. The shitty part is that, I have to encounter homeless, drugged out, and/or crazy people throughout my entire day.
I can say with almost no exaggeration that I get asked for change an average of 5 times a day. This is pretty impressive considering that the area behind my apartment has relatively cleaned up over the past year and a half since construction began on the new condominiums (fortunately and unfortunately the project has gone on longer than planned thanks to the economy). Its pretty interesting actually, Rayban, who is 71, and I have had a conversation about young people and their need to block out the world as they move in and out of their days via the Ipod. He seemed disturbed by this, but...considering the world that I have to walk through everyday...doesnt it seem like a blessing? The only thing that protects me from having to talk to these beggars is my music playing. Well, thats kind of a lie, because I dont talk to people that ask for change. In fact, I dont even acknowledge these people. It is uncommon for me to actually fall for a beggar's first line. I dont typically need a line...I just need to see you trying to make eye contact with me.
So, the point of this is that Im frustrated. I dont understand why this city is so full of such aggressive, fucked up people. Its unavoidable and its a nuisance. I think that all of these beggars should be picked off the street and should be shipped somewhere warm that doesnt have any people around for maybe 100 miles in all directions...think the Sahara :)
Anyway, Ive got my frustrations out, so now I will entertain with stories of people and attempts that I have gotten from people.
Starting with my favoritest homeless person and beggar:
The walker - This guy is always sped WAY up and really fucked up. He walks around neighborhoods with a cup in one hand. And he walks as fast as he can, wherever he can go. He asks people for change, but doesnt stop walking...so by the time you get a response out (if you want to give a response) he is way too far away for you to even do anything. My former neighbor JenJew and I keep tabs on this guy via text message...everytime we see him, we text each other. Weve seen each other so many times, I think he even recognizes me at this point because he doesnt ask me for change anymore.
Shoeless - (if you couldnt tell, I name these people if I see them enough) This woman has asked me for change WAY too often. She is older and has shoulder length hair. Sometimes I see her with shoes...and more often than not, she doesnt have any shoes. Ive concocted a story in my head that she gets shoes...then she gets really fucked up and in her high state, always takes off her shoes. So, she walks around Seattle shoeless...often. Long story short, I even watched her pee her pants on a bus once....and didnt say anything when I guy sat down in the same seat (whoops...I almost did, but it was too late for me to get him to stop).
The Ghost - I actually havent seen the ghost in a while. But, she is an extremely old lady. Think like 75. She is always really together, very well kept, and clean. She approaches you and surprises you when she asks for money. The reason though why she is "The Ghost" is because she only walks the streets at night and she is so old, pale, and her hair is so white, that she looks like a ghost wandering the streets.
Wheelchair Lady - Wheelchair lady and I did not get along. I saw her around a lot. She was a middle aged woman who was missing one leg. She would not use her hands to get around, but she would use her one leg to push her along, skateboard style....but on her ass. So, one day, I was walking to work behind my apartment. She was sliding by me and asked me for a light. I ignored her and she got pissed off. She started chasing me in her wheelchair. I had to run up the hill behind my apartment so that she couldnt catch me. So, when I returned home from work that day, I found that wheelchair lady had somehow gotten a mattress in one of the pay parking spots behind our apt. complex. I almost called the cops after a day had passed just because I was mad at this lady for chasing me. Finally, after 4 days her mattress was taken away and I havent seen her much since. Oh...and DJ tried to give her a dollar once after that...and right as it almost touched her hand...I shouted "DONT GIVE HER THAT!!!!" and grabbed the dollar out of his hand as it touched hers. I hate that bitch!
- "The One" - DJ actually hates my name for this person, but I chose it and now its stuck. This name is actually short for "The One and Only Fucked Up Asian Person." Yeah, yeah, I know, Im sorry if I offend anybody. But, I have never seen an Asian person all fucked up on the street until she appeared. I watched her descent into hell. She started off normal, but then slowly started to act more cracked out and hang out around here more often. Eventually, she started walking all crazy...from her I coined my signature "Crack Walk." Finally, one day I saw her get arrested, and I didnt see her again for about a year. Then, one day, DJ and I were walking through Pike Place Market and I saw her walking with this guy towards my apartment. I knew where she was going. I actually started saying out loud "NO...NO...Turn around!" But, I didnt have the balls to actually go up to her face and say it. Unfortunately, she started to go back to her old ways.
- The newest regulars I have seen are G.I. couture - Hes a young gay guy that mutters to himself, sometimes singing opera. he walks the streets at a fast pace and is always wearing army fatigues under sweat-shorts and a hoodie. I feel bad because I think Im actually seeing him slowly lose his bearings. He always looks clean, but his clothes arent. the other newbie on the streets Im still determining a name for him. Im pretty sure his new name is going to be "Rasta-dore." He looks like a homeless, Rastafarian version of Dumbledore. He always dons many blankets around his shoulder and multiple cloth bags. His featured area is Queen Anne, but Ive also seen him in belltown and Capitol Hill.
Lastly, this is just a smattering of some of my favorite attempts at begging for change, that I ignored, but have heard as I walked away, or as a friend I was with decided to respond to these city irritants:
- Walking out of a store a woman asked for some change, I said no, she responded "Buy me a bag of chips?"
- A guy asked a friend of mine to spare a dollar, he said no... the guy said "do you have an atm card? Come on, Ill show you where the closest ATM is!"
- A supposed "family"(that all looked drugged out) came up to me at Fisher Pavilion and told me there house had just burnt down
- A guy offered me a hit of crack for some change
- Most recently, a guy on the hill behind my apartment jumped out of the shadows and said "Let me lick your butt!" I, of course, walked away as fast as possible. I stopped at the bus stop and began to text DJ about the odd happening when i felt a weird energy. I looked up and the guy was standing next to me and smiled, while shaking his head up and down. I told him to fuck off and he got scared and ran away.
So, with that...I think my evidence is clear that Seattle SUCKS when it comes to beggars! Unfortunately, the amusing experiences are incredibly outnumbered by the boring, everyday experiences that I have to suffer through
I am a walker. I walk to work about a mile every day. It takes about 20 minutes to get to work if I walk fast and break the law by walking through red lights or jay walk at certain points. That means, I am guaranteed at least 40 minutes of street time if I walk to work and stay, and its at least 80 minutes if I come home in the middle of the day for lunch. So, either way...I spend a lot of time walking these streets. Its a nice way to get exercise and its a nice way to wind up for work or unwind from work. The shitty part is that, I have to encounter homeless, drugged out, and/or crazy people throughout my entire day.
I can say with almost no exaggeration that I get asked for change an average of 5 times a day. This is pretty impressive considering that the area behind my apartment has relatively cleaned up over the past year and a half since construction began on the new condominiums (fortunately and unfortunately the project has gone on longer than planned thanks to the economy). Its pretty interesting actually, Rayban, who is 71, and I have had a conversation about young people and their need to block out the world as they move in and out of their days via the Ipod. He seemed disturbed by this, but...considering the world that I have to walk through everyday...doesnt it seem like a blessing? The only thing that protects me from having to talk to these beggars is my music playing. Well, thats kind of a lie, because I dont talk to people that ask for change. In fact, I dont even acknowledge these people. It is uncommon for me to actually fall for a beggar's first line. I dont typically need a line...I just need to see you trying to make eye contact with me.
So, the point of this is that Im frustrated. I dont understand why this city is so full of such aggressive, fucked up people. Its unavoidable and its a nuisance. I think that all of these beggars should be picked off the street and should be shipped somewhere warm that doesnt have any people around for maybe 100 miles in all directions...think the Sahara :)
Anyway, Ive got my frustrations out, so now I will entertain with stories of people and attempts that I have gotten from people.
Starting with my favoritest homeless person and beggar:
The walker - This guy is always sped WAY up and really fucked up. He walks around neighborhoods with a cup in one hand. And he walks as fast as he can, wherever he can go. He asks people for change, but doesnt stop walking...so by the time you get a response out (if you want to give a response) he is way too far away for you to even do anything. My former neighbor JenJew and I keep tabs on this guy via text message...everytime we see him, we text each other. Weve seen each other so many times, I think he even recognizes me at this point because he doesnt ask me for change anymore.
Shoeless - (if you couldnt tell, I name these people if I see them enough) This woman has asked me for change WAY too often. She is older and has shoulder length hair. Sometimes I see her with shoes...and more often than not, she doesnt have any shoes. Ive concocted a story in my head that she gets shoes...then she gets really fucked up and in her high state, always takes off her shoes. So, she walks around Seattle shoeless...often. Long story short, I even watched her pee her pants on a bus once....and didnt say anything when I guy sat down in the same seat (whoops...I almost did, but it was too late for me to get him to stop).
The Ghost - I actually havent seen the ghost in a while. But, she is an extremely old lady. Think like 75. She is always really together, very well kept, and clean. She approaches you and surprises you when she asks for money. The reason though why she is "The Ghost" is because she only walks the streets at night and she is so old, pale, and her hair is so white, that she looks like a ghost wandering the streets.
Wheelchair Lady - Wheelchair lady and I did not get along. I saw her around a lot. She was a middle aged woman who was missing one leg. She would not use her hands to get around, but she would use her one leg to push her along, skateboard style....but on her ass. So, one day, I was walking to work behind my apartment. She was sliding by me and asked me for a light. I ignored her and she got pissed off. She started chasing me in her wheelchair. I had to run up the hill behind my apartment so that she couldnt catch me. So, when I returned home from work that day, I found that wheelchair lady had somehow gotten a mattress in one of the pay parking spots behind our apt. complex. I almost called the cops after a day had passed just because I was mad at this lady for chasing me. Finally, after 4 days her mattress was taken away and I havent seen her much since. Oh...and DJ tried to give her a dollar once after that...and right as it almost touched her hand...I shouted "DONT GIVE HER THAT!!!!" and grabbed the dollar out of his hand as it touched hers. I hate that bitch!
- "The One" - DJ actually hates my name for this person, but I chose it and now its stuck. This name is actually short for "The One and Only Fucked Up Asian Person." Yeah, yeah, I know, Im sorry if I offend anybody. But, I have never seen an Asian person all fucked up on the street until she appeared. I watched her descent into hell. She started off normal, but then slowly started to act more cracked out and hang out around here more often. Eventually, she started walking all crazy...from her I coined my signature "Crack Walk." Finally, one day I saw her get arrested, and I didnt see her again for about a year. Then, one day, DJ and I were walking through Pike Place Market and I saw her walking with this guy towards my apartment. I knew where she was going. I actually started saying out loud "NO...NO...Turn around!" But, I didnt have the balls to actually go up to her face and say it. Unfortunately, she started to go back to her old ways.
- The newest regulars I have seen are G.I. couture - Hes a young gay guy that mutters to himself, sometimes singing opera. he walks the streets at a fast pace and is always wearing army fatigues under sweat-shorts and a hoodie. I feel bad because I think Im actually seeing him slowly lose his bearings. He always looks clean, but his clothes arent. the other newbie on the streets Im still determining a name for him. Im pretty sure his new name is going to be "Rasta-dore." He looks like a homeless, Rastafarian version of Dumbledore. He always dons many blankets around his shoulder and multiple cloth bags. His featured area is Queen Anne, but Ive also seen him in belltown and Capitol Hill.
Lastly, this is just a smattering of some of my favorite attempts at begging for change, that I ignored, but have heard as I walked away, or as a friend I was with decided to respond to these city irritants:
- Walking out of a store a woman asked for some change, I said no, she responded "Buy me a bag of chips?"
- A guy asked a friend of mine to spare a dollar, he said no... the guy said "do you have an atm card? Come on, Ill show you where the closest ATM is!"
- A supposed "family"(that all looked drugged out) came up to me at Fisher Pavilion and told me there house had just burnt down
- A guy offered me a hit of crack for some change
- Most recently, a guy on the hill behind my apartment jumped out of the shadows and said "Let me lick your butt!" I, of course, walked away as fast as possible. I stopped at the bus stop and began to text DJ about the odd happening when i felt a weird energy. I looked up and the guy was standing next to me and smiled, while shaking his head up and down. I told him to fuck off and he got scared and ran away.
So, with that...I think my evidence is clear that Seattle SUCKS when it comes to beggars! Unfortunately, the amusing experiences are incredibly outnumbered by the boring, everyday experiences that I have to suffer through
Monday, January 26, 2009
Three Year Celebration
This weekend has been an extremely enjoyable weekend. DJ and I chose to enjoy an entire weekend celebration of our commitment that began 3 years ago this coming Tuesday, January 27. Three years ago, I was in the midst of mononucleosis (aka the kissing disease), which I did not contract from him. We had been talking for about 3 months and had visited each other in our respective cities, LA and Seattle. It was shortly after I had taken my first trip to LA and DJ had mentioned that he may consider moving to Seattle, at some point, that I decided it would be ok to commit. And, well, here we are three years later and still going strong :) 
Since DJ and my anniversary falls on a Tuesday, and we will be preparing to open our next program at the ballet, we decided to have a weekend full of celebratory activities.
We began our fun on Friday night. As many of you know, Im kind of bored with Seattle. I couldnt figure out why I didnt feel like it was a very metropolitan or exciting city. I finally came to the conclusion that I feel like this because once you have explored a neighborhood in Sea-town, there isnt much that you havent seen. When I lived in NYC, I could visit a neighborhood 20 times. Even with that, everytime I went back, I would see a new store or restaurant that Ive never noticed before. In Seattle, there isnt anything unknown or exciting after a few trips to one place. So, my aim lately has been to find places in neighborhoods that Ive never seen or been to.
So, Friday, after a hard week of work, Dan and I made our way to Galerias Mexican restaurant up on Broadway in Capitol Hill. We have walked by this restaurant a bunch of times, but never eaten there. Not until recently, when I was walking past this place, did I notice it existed. I was mostly drawn by the fact that the restaurant was giving a 25% recession style discount Monday through Thursday to all diners. Although, the inner Jew in me wanted the savings, I knew this could be an exciting new find. We showed up and enjoyed a first class Mexican meal in Seattle. It was not 100% genuine Mexican food, but probably the closest experience you will get while in Seattle. We were looking for ambiance...and we definitely got ambiance. There was even a harpist to boot. We were sitting next to her and she asked for requests, but we had no money for tip. After two more songs, we told her we couldn't give tip. She said she didnt care and played a few songs that we wanted to hear. It was awesome.
After enjoying our relatively inexpensive anniversary meal (which of course included Mole Poblano and a shared flask of Sangria), DJ and I made our way to Julia's on Broadway to see their weekly drag show, Le Faux. Now, I was a little suprised to see that it cost $20 for the show, but I was pleased in the end. This isn't your typical run of the mill drag show. They actually use the expensive cover towards the production. There was a host and four other leading ladies, who sang (or lipsinked) to the best of them; Cher, Madonna, Reba, Dolly, Pink, and my favorite...Lucille Ball (in Vitameatavegamin, which was a treat). There were also backup dancers, video clips, confetti explosions, and fog. It was a true production that I feel any visiting, non homophobe should attend.
The next day of our celebration consisted of a trip to Ballard. Ive only recently started exploring Ballard. Ive been to this distant neighborhood before, but never really explored it until Rogayn showed me around during our past lay off. DJ and I took the 18 over the Ballard bridge and settled down to eat lunch at Snoose Junction. Ive never even heard of this GREEN pizza parlor. DJ and I enjoyed sandwiches and a few games of Addams Family Pinball (complete with clicking paddles for the theme song). We, then, walked around Ballard making the obligatory trip to Archie Mcphee's and Cupcake Royale. We checked out a couple of shops and made our way home for a rest.
Following our rest, we made our way across the street, from our apartment to Elliott Bay apts, for our friend Joermanny's annual holiday party. Yeah, a little late, but it was delayed due to snow and overly busy Seattle-ites. The name of this event was "Feuerzangenbowle," which essentially means "fire tongs"...I think. I cant really pronounce it. I kept on repeating something along the lines of, guh-flerk-in-zan-gin-blerk-in. Anyway, it was fun to watch Joermanny light the bowl of redwine and 151 rum, and even more fun socializing and sipping the warm, biting liquor.
So, finally, we get to today. Today, Danya and I went out to brunch with our former neighbors from the 3rd floor. We chatted and enjoyed the common actions of the two Jews at the table (we had two dreamers and two realists/debbie downers)...which ones do you think were the Jews ;) Anyway, we left there and took a bus to the U-District. I dont go here often because I get bored there quickly, but we had heard that there was an Upper Playground along the Ave. DJ and I have visited the one in Portland, and were surprised to find that Seattle could have this fun, edgy store. We stopped by there and checked out a couple places along the way. Then, made our way home for the typical food shopping and cleaning that we do on Sundays.
Altogether, we had a very awesome anniversary celebration that consisted of new explorations, which excites me. As I have learned, in order to keep spark in my relationship, I always have to keep exploring us. I feel it is the same for cities, too...at least for me. I get bored with the city if I dont have new things to explore. It made me happy to be able to do both this weekend :) So, with that...CHEERS TO THREE YEARS...AND MANY MORE TO COME!!!! L'Chaim!
Since DJ and my anniversary falls on a Tuesday, and we will be preparing to open our next program at the ballet, we decided to have a weekend full of celebratory activities.We began our fun on Friday night. As many of you know, Im kind of bored with Seattle. I couldnt figure out why I didnt feel like it was a very metropolitan or exciting city. I finally came to the conclusion that I feel like this because once you have explored a neighborhood in Sea-town, there isnt much that you havent seen. When I lived in NYC, I could visit a neighborhood 20 times. Even with that, everytime I went back, I would see a new store or restaurant that Ive never noticed before. In Seattle, there isnt anything unknown or exciting after a few trips to one place. So, my aim lately has been to find places in neighborhoods that Ive never seen or been to.
So, Friday, after a hard week of work, Dan and I made our way to Galerias Mexican restaurant up on Broadway in Capitol Hill. We have walked by this restaurant a bunch of times, but never eaten there. Not until recently, when I was walking past this place, did I notice it existed. I was mostly drawn by the fact that the restaurant was giving a 25% recession style discount Monday through Thursday to all diners. Although, the inner Jew in me wanted the savings, I knew this could be an exciting new find. We showed up and enjoyed a first class Mexican meal in Seattle. It was not 100% genuine Mexican food, but probably the closest experience you will get while in Seattle. We were looking for ambiance...and we definitely got ambiance. There was even a harpist to boot. We were sitting next to her and she asked for requests, but we had no money for tip. After two more songs, we told her we couldn't give tip. She said she didnt care and played a few songs that we wanted to hear. It was awesome.
After enjoying our relatively inexpensive anniversary meal (which of course included Mole Poblano and a shared flask of Sangria), DJ and I made our way to Julia's on Broadway to see their weekly drag show, Le Faux. Now, I was a little suprised to see that it cost $20 for the show, but I was pleased in the end. This isn't your typical run of the mill drag show. They actually use the expensive cover towards the production. There was a host and four other leading ladies, who sang (or lipsinked) to the best of them; Cher, Madonna, Reba, Dolly, Pink, and my favorite...Lucille Ball (in Vitameatavegamin, which was a treat). There were also backup dancers, video clips, confetti explosions, and fog. It was a true production that I feel any visiting, non homophobe should attend.
The next day of our celebration consisted of a trip to Ballard. Ive only recently started exploring Ballard. Ive been to this distant neighborhood before, but never really explored it until Rogayn showed me around during our past lay off. DJ and I took the 18 over the Ballard bridge and settled down to eat lunch at Snoose Junction. Ive never even heard of this GREEN pizza parlor. DJ and I enjoyed sandwiches and a few games of Addams Family Pinball (complete with clicking paddles for the theme song). We, then, walked around Ballard making the obligatory trip to Archie Mcphee's and Cupcake Royale. We checked out a couple of shops and made our way home for a rest.
Following our rest, we made our way across the street, from our apartment to Elliott Bay apts, for our friend Joermanny's annual holiday party. Yeah, a little late, but it was delayed due to snow and overly busy Seattle-ites. The name of this event was "Feuerzangenbowle," which essentially means "fire tongs"...I think. I cant really pronounce it. I kept on repeating something along the lines of, guh-flerk-in-zan-gin-blerk-in. Anyway, it was fun to watch Joermanny light the bowl of redwine and 151 rum, and even more fun socializing and sipping the warm, biting liquor.
So, finally, we get to today. Today, Danya and I went out to brunch with our former neighbors from the 3rd floor. We chatted and enjoyed the common actions of the two Jews at the table (we had two dreamers and two realists/debbie downers)...which ones do you think were the Jews ;) Anyway, we left there and took a bus to the U-District. I dont go here often because I get bored there quickly, but we had heard that there was an Upper Playground along the Ave. DJ and I have visited the one in Portland, and were surprised to find that Seattle could have this fun, edgy store. We stopped by there and checked out a couple places along the way. Then, made our way home for the typical food shopping and cleaning that we do on Sundays.Altogether, we had a very awesome anniversary celebration that consisted of new explorations, which excites me. As I have learned, in order to keep spark in my relationship, I always have to keep exploring us. I feel it is the same for cities, too...at least for me. I get bored with the city if I dont have new things to explore. It made me happy to be able to do both this weekend :) So, with that...CHEERS TO THREE YEARS...AND MANY MORE TO COME!!!! L'Chaim!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Guiltless Guilt of the dancer's mind
I just got home from a most delicious dinner. Yeah, the dinner wasn't very far and it was actually completely free. That would be due to the fact that our neighbors invited us over for dinner. When we lived two floors down, we made great friends with our neighbor and were even invited over their place for dinner here and there. Unfortunately, it never really worked out timing wise for us. Now that we live on the top floor of our complex, we have made friends with our new neighbors. They invited us over for dinner tonight and made us a delicious Thai style dinner and dessert. We spent three hours less than about 20 feet away from our place enjoying great food and great company. It was a great time!
Other than that, my day was filled with questioning whether or not I was going to guilt myself the entire day for not taking class. After the mental draining conversation last night, combined with a muscle relaxer for my achey back, I found myself completely incapable of getting out of bed. When my alarm went off at 8:40, I changed it to 8:45. Well, when I woke up then, I knew it wasnt going to happen. So, I took a brief minute (long enough to figure out my schedule, but not long enough to completely awaken my mind and render me exhausted but unable to fall back asleep), and figured out what would be a good time to get up, whilst still warming myself up sufficiently in time for rehearsal. I figured it out and went back to sleep.
10:15 arrives and I am finally ready to wake up. Still kind of tired, but capable of functioning in this state. So, I waste time online and then get prepared to go to work and finally make the chilly 20 minute trek to work. I spent a little too much online and started feeling a bit rushed by the time that I finally got to work. I went into the therapy room, with my headphones on, ready to give myself a barre. I wore the headphones to appear as if I didnt notice anybody, because although I know they dont care, Im not very good at taking those jokes about being lazy for not taking class. I chuckle and make fun with those people, but deep, deep down inside, I feel horribly guilty for skipping out. I probably shouldnt feel guilty. I am a 25 year old adult and I can make my own intelligent decisions, but no matter what, I feel guilty for not taking class. Nonetheless, Im determined not to feel guilty.
I start giving myself barre in the therapy room, but something has made the marley SOOO slippery that I cant stand in any position but first. So, Im forced to go downstairs, where class has just finished and everybody is preparing to begin rehearsal. Im now surrounded by people that want to greet me, so instead of waiting for the inevitable, I just take the headphones off. Im thinking "I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS TO ME....I WAS SMART TO SKIP CLASS!" So, the first friend approaches. I start thinking of my jokingly defensive response for not taking class. "Hello. How are you?" Then they walk away. I continue where I left off, jetes. The next friend comes by and sits down. Im ready for the comment, but it never comes. Reality strikes...No one really cares that I wasnt in class. And if they do joke with me, its not because they care, but because they know that Im going to guilt myself for it, and they can chuckle.
I may never know why I feel so guilty about the rare times that I dont take class, but it must have something to do with my abusive russian training. Its one of those things that will probably come out in therapy after I have my midlife crisis at 26 (dancers enter middle life at 25, so Im guessing Ill need middle aged therapy by next year). It will come out and I may come to understand why I guilt myself, but in the end...I think that it will always be this way. I will be retired for 30 years and still feeling guilty at the age of 65 for not taking class for the past 30 years. Oy...the Dancer's Life!
Other than that, my day was filled with questioning whether or not I was going to guilt myself the entire day for not taking class. After the mental draining conversation last night, combined with a muscle relaxer for my achey back, I found myself completely incapable of getting out of bed. When my alarm went off at 8:40, I changed it to 8:45. Well, when I woke up then, I knew it wasnt going to happen. So, I took a brief minute (long enough to figure out my schedule, but not long enough to completely awaken my mind and render me exhausted but unable to fall back asleep), and figured out what would be a good time to get up, whilst still warming myself up sufficiently in time for rehearsal. I figured it out and went back to sleep.
10:15 arrives and I am finally ready to wake up. Still kind of tired, but capable of functioning in this state. So, I waste time online and then get prepared to go to work and finally make the chilly 20 minute trek to work. I spent a little too much online and started feeling a bit rushed by the time that I finally got to work. I went into the therapy room, with my headphones on, ready to give myself a barre. I wore the headphones to appear as if I didnt notice anybody, because although I know they dont care, Im not very good at taking those jokes about being lazy for not taking class. I chuckle and make fun with those people, but deep, deep down inside, I feel horribly guilty for skipping out. I probably shouldnt feel guilty. I am a 25 year old adult and I can make my own intelligent decisions, but no matter what, I feel guilty for not taking class. Nonetheless, Im determined not to feel guilty.
I start giving myself barre in the therapy room, but something has made the marley SOOO slippery that I cant stand in any position but first. So, Im forced to go downstairs, where class has just finished and everybody is preparing to begin rehearsal. Im now surrounded by people that want to greet me, so instead of waiting for the inevitable, I just take the headphones off. Im thinking "I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS TO ME....I WAS SMART TO SKIP CLASS!" So, the first friend approaches. I start thinking of my jokingly defensive response for not taking class. "Hello. How are you?" Then they walk away. I continue where I left off, jetes. The next friend comes by and sits down. Im ready for the comment, but it never comes. Reality strikes...No one really cares that I wasnt in class. And if they do joke with me, its not because they care, but because they know that Im going to guilt myself for it, and they can chuckle.
I may never know why I feel so guilty about the rare times that I dont take class, but it must have something to do with my abusive russian training. Its one of those things that will probably come out in therapy after I have my midlife crisis at 26 (dancers enter middle life at 25, so Im guessing Ill need middle aged therapy by next year). It will come out and I may come to understand why I guilt myself, but in the end...I think that it will always be this way. I will be retired for 30 years and still feeling guilty at the age of 65 for not taking class for the past 30 years. Oy...the Dancer's Life!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Desperation of Seattle
Oy! Im pretty exhausted! Physically, after a day of dancing, working out, and struggling with my seemingly never-ending back problems. Mentally, after the long conversation that DJ and I just completed. What better way to let go of some of it, then by blogging. Oh yeah!
Some days I feel like the world is falling apart. Today is one of those days. Or, perhaps, tonight is one of those nights. Typically, I would be attempting to fall asleep right now, but with my mind running the way that it is, it may be awhile before my mind goes to sleep (muscle relaxer for my back and all). I feel a little unnerved. In fact, I would say that I feel slightly desperate. After a couple years of searching for an exciting, satiating job, DJ has been struggling. He will probably hate that I am putting that on here, but it has spurred a lot of thought from me. Well over two years have passed and things just dont seem like they are ever going to get better. I understand that we are in the midst of a depression(oops...I mean recession), but when someone works their ass off, puts out hundreds (no exaggeration) of resumes, and has a hearty education to boot, you would think that everything would inevitably fall into place. Unfortunately, this isnt so.
Seattle SUCKS when it comes to looking for work. There it is, I said it! It is perhaps the most unique, specialized market in the country. All of our major companies are either tech based or engineering based. Think Microsoft, Boeing, Amazon, Google, Expedia. On top of this set of companies, we are the most educated city in the country. Yeah, along with most educated, we also have the lowest church attendance...which excites me and seems sensible, but there can be negatives that come with this, too. Since everybody has an education, it seems that your education doesnt really matter. Since education doesn't really matter, job placement seems based merely on luck. Unfortunately, our country seems to be running out of luck and the economy has collapsed to the floor. Well, not to the floor, but lower. Now that our economy is practically non-existant, the same happens with jobs.
I think that there are relatively few job openings in Seattle, if any! What do you do if getting a job has nothing to do with education or your area of expertise? I dont know, sell your body, sell drugs, or mop up deck on a boat. Hi...my name is Larry, I have a Masters in history...would you like a blowjob, blow, or for me to sweep up in here? I think this is not a last resort anymore. I feel that if things dont get better soon, desperation could cause even the most educated of people to do this. Im frightened by that and I dont really know how to make the situation better. I think what it truly comes down to is that there are too many people looking for too few jobs. There must be a way to settle this. At this point, I dont know how, and I dont know if our new president knows how, but Im cant wait for it to be taken care of. Two years is a long time. And two years can really put at damper on one's, or two's, spirits. So, I guess the point of this entire thing is for me to post one thing...a wish. My wish is...
BARRY's WISH: I WISH THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE...ECONOMICALLY AND POLITICALLY. I ALSO WISH THAT SEATTLE WAS A MORE METROPOLITAN CITY, WITH MORE JOB OFFERINGS. BUT MOSTLY, I WISH THAT ALL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS THAT HAVENT OFFERED MY BF A JOB THAT PAYS AT LEAST $100,000 A YEAR WOULD GO TO FUCKING HELL, EAT SHIT, AND DIE (so my BF can take their jobs;)
Love always,
Barry
Some days I feel like the world is falling apart. Today is one of those days. Or, perhaps, tonight is one of those nights. Typically, I would be attempting to fall asleep right now, but with my mind running the way that it is, it may be awhile before my mind goes to sleep (muscle relaxer for my back and all). I feel a little unnerved. In fact, I would say that I feel slightly desperate. After a couple years of searching for an exciting, satiating job, DJ has been struggling. He will probably hate that I am putting that on here, but it has spurred a lot of thought from me. Well over two years have passed and things just dont seem like they are ever going to get better. I understand that we are in the midst of a depression(oops...I mean recession), but when someone works their ass off, puts out hundreds (no exaggeration) of resumes, and has a hearty education to boot, you would think that everything would inevitably fall into place. Unfortunately, this isnt so.
Seattle SUCKS when it comes to looking for work. There it is, I said it! It is perhaps the most unique, specialized market in the country. All of our major companies are either tech based or engineering based. Think Microsoft, Boeing, Amazon, Google, Expedia. On top of this set of companies, we are the most educated city in the country. Yeah, along with most educated, we also have the lowest church attendance...which excites me and seems sensible, but there can be negatives that come with this, too. Since everybody has an education, it seems that your education doesnt really matter. Since education doesn't really matter, job placement seems based merely on luck. Unfortunately, our country seems to be running out of luck and the economy has collapsed to the floor. Well, not to the floor, but lower. Now that our economy is practically non-existant, the same happens with jobs.
I think that there are relatively few job openings in Seattle, if any! What do you do if getting a job has nothing to do with education or your area of expertise? I dont know, sell your body, sell drugs, or mop up deck on a boat. Hi...my name is Larry, I have a Masters in history...would you like a blowjob, blow, or for me to sweep up in here? I think this is not a last resort anymore. I feel that if things dont get better soon, desperation could cause even the most educated of people to do this. Im frightened by that and I dont really know how to make the situation better. I think what it truly comes down to is that there are too many people looking for too few jobs. There must be a way to settle this. At this point, I dont know how, and I dont know if our new president knows how, but Im cant wait for it to be taken care of. Two years is a long time. And two years can really put at damper on one's, or two's, spirits. So, I guess the point of this entire thing is for me to post one thing...a wish. My wish is...
BARRY's WISH: I WISH THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE...ECONOMICALLY AND POLITICALLY. I ALSO WISH THAT SEATTLE WAS A MORE METROPOLITAN CITY, WITH MORE JOB OFFERINGS. BUT MOSTLY, I WISH THAT ALL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS THAT HAVENT OFFERED MY BF A JOB THAT PAYS AT LEAST $100,000 A YEAR WOULD GO TO FUCKING HELL, EAT SHIT, AND DIE (so my BF can take their jobs;)
Love always,
Barry
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Blog, Fog, and Obama
It has been nearly a year since I have blogged. In fact the last time I blogged was on March 20th of 2008. Wow! Its been a long time. The last time I blogged I was 24, in the middle of my first true opportunity in my career, and Bush was president. Its amazing how much we all change from year to year and how much the world changes too. I fell out of blogging for a couple of reasons. One, I was becoming overwhelmed with schoolwork. I have been taking a short break from school since I realized I have 70 credits and no true direction. Instead of wasting money on classes that I hope would fit into some sort of degree, I need to figure out what I want to do and how to do that. Also, I had a change of heart with myspace, where my previous blog exists. Im kind of sad about that. On my myspace blog I have 445 posts and nearly 25,000 views. I just beome overwhelmingly annoyed with the stream of spam that I received. It drove me away from myspace and drove me away from blogging. So, its been long enough and Im ready to give it a try again. I chose to find an actual blogsite to blog this time so that I would be able to post as I wished without any other distractions or annoyances. I hope to keep up with this as often as I used to keep up with my old blog.
Moving on from my necessary introduction, I wanted to start posting as I typically do. Lately, Seattle has been suffering from air stagnation. This is caused by temperature inversion, which I dont have a huge understanding of, but I know it has to do with cold air in the middle layer of the atmosphere keeping warmer air from escaping. Anyway, this causes a lot of fog, as well as a build up of air pollution. Ive been having trouble sleeping lately because my breathing has been off. I couldnt figure out why until this morning, when I had to pull out my inhaler to make it through class. It must be because of the air stagnation. Yeah, yeah...this weather issue is causing me some health problems, but to be completely honest, I love it when fog forms as thickly as it has been lately. I was walking home from work tonight and as I walked under the Space Needle, I struggled to see UFO-like top that Seattle is so famous for. I couldn't see any of the tall buildings in the near distance and when I was close enough to home to see Elliott Bay, it looked like Seattle was a northern beach town, instead of an inland port city. There's just such a mystical feeling that you get when you are walking amongst a grounded cloud. I may be psychotic, but I almost felt as if a talking cat or a wandering unicorn was about to come around the corner and tell me that I had to complete some mysterious mission. But alas, there was no cat or horned-horse, just me and my somewhat active imagination. My final thoughts about this approached something that is a more common train of thought in my mind. I felt like I was walking through foggy San Francisco. I could see the low-clouds blowing a bit. Although Ive only been once, I got a taste for that city. And although it may not be my ideal city, it is so much more metropolitan than Seattle. It made me ache, as I do probably about 20 times a day, to live somewhere vast, exciting, and unexplored (of course in a city).
Lastly, I thought it necessary to just mention the incredible change of the guards today. Today, Barack Obama (important note of knowledge: we USED to share our first name, til college, when Barry Obama wanted to get more in touch with his African roots) was sworn in as our new president, replacing the disaster of a leader that preceded him. Im not super political, but to see the direction our country was heading frightened me. Frightened me in too many ways to write. I saw too many values that I have as a human being falling away from my country of residence. Im cautiously excited to see what Obama can do for us, but I feel that there are too many problems for him to fix for him to achieve many of his objectives successfully. Not to be negative. I hope for the best and I expect a little less. I feel that people could easily turn on Barack if he doesnt accomplish EVERYTHING people feel needs change. The excitement that surrounded election day winnings and today's inauguration just scare me. If Obama cant succeed at what he promised, there will be more people angry than I can imagine. People expected stupidity and ignorance from Bush. Their rage with him was already so high, it couldnt get higher. But with Obama, it may be different. I think we just need to trust that he will do his absolute best for us. But the mess that has been left for him to clean up may in the end just be too cumbersome. With that said, if this country doesn't recover. Im moving to one of the following cities; Vancouver, Toronto, London, Paris, Berlin, Tokyo, or Dubai (though I think the whole gay thing may not work out there).
Anyway, Im glad to be back to blogging! Cheers!
Moving on from my necessary introduction, I wanted to start posting as I typically do. Lately, Seattle has been suffering from air stagnation. This is caused by temperature inversion, which I dont have a huge understanding of, but I know it has to do with cold air in the middle layer of the atmosphere keeping warmer air from escaping. Anyway, this causes a lot of fog, as well as a build up of air pollution. Ive been having trouble sleeping lately because my breathing has been off. I couldnt figure out why until this morning, when I had to pull out my inhaler to make it through class. It must be because of the air stagnation. Yeah, yeah...this weather issue is causing me some health problems, but to be completely honest, I love it when fog forms as thickly as it has been lately. I was walking home from work tonight and as I walked under the Space Needle, I struggled to see UFO-like top that Seattle is so famous for. I couldn't see any of the tall buildings in the near distance and when I was close enough to home to see Elliott Bay, it looked like Seattle was a northern beach town, instead of an inland port city. There's just such a mystical feeling that you get when you are walking amongst a grounded cloud. I may be psychotic, but I almost felt as if a talking cat or a wandering unicorn was about to come around the corner and tell me that I had to complete some mysterious mission. But alas, there was no cat or horned-horse, just me and my somewhat active imagination. My final thoughts about this approached something that is a more common train of thought in my mind. I felt like I was walking through foggy San Francisco. I could see the low-clouds blowing a bit. Although Ive only been once, I got a taste for that city. And although it may not be my ideal city, it is so much more metropolitan than Seattle. It made me ache, as I do probably about 20 times a day, to live somewhere vast, exciting, and unexplored (of course in a city).
Lastly, I thought it necessary to just mention the incredible change of the guards today. Today, Barack Obama (important note of knowledge: we USED to share our first name, til college, when Barry Obama wanted to get more in touch with his African roots) was sworn in as our new president, replacing the disaster of a leader that preceded him. Im not super political, but to see the direction our country was heading frightened me. Frightened me in too many ways to write. I saw too many values that I have as a human being falling away from my country of residence. Im cautiously excited to see what Obama can do for us, but I feel that there are too many problems for him to fix for him to achieve many of his objectives successfully. Not to be negative. I hope for the best and I expect a little less. I feel that people could easily turn on Barack if he doesnt accomplish EVERYTHING people feel needs change. The excitement that surrounded election day winnings and today's inauguration just scare me. If Obama cant succeed at what he promised, there will be more people angry than I can imagine. People expected stupidity and ignorance from Bush. Their rage with him was already so high, it couldnt get higher. But with Obama, it may be different. I think we just need to trust that he will do his absolute best for us. But the mess that has been left for him to clean up may in the end just be too cumbersome. With that said, if this country doesn't recover. Im moving to one of the following cities; Vancouver, Toronto, London, Paris, Berlin, Tokyo, or Dubai (though I think the whole gay thing may not work out there).
Anyway, Im glad to be back to blogging! Cheers!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
